


Your Attraction

by h_itoshi



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Everything is canon except Keito's a student, Heads up I did not finish this fic so posting might be irregular sorryyyy, I'm guessing 10-12 ish chapters, In general a feelgood fic, Lots of Sex, M/M, Some angst in the future, When I started writing it orz, canon AU, set in 2015
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 01:46:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17674076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h_itoshi/pseuds/h_itoshi
Summary: Keito can't help if he stares at the man who just made him spill his drink for five seconds too long, looking at those dark lashes and wondering if there are people this pretty in real life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this chapterfic and wrote a LOT around October 2015, and I figured that this fic is starting to become outdated almost and it was way overdue to be posted.   
> I had considered the idea of a half-au with one person being taken out of an idol group and then meeting an idol from "their" group by chance, because I figured there was a lot of good plot points that could be done with a setting like that. It accidentally became Keito and now I guess reality fits a little too good :x But let's not be sad about that!
> 
> I hope someone enjoys this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it, and I hope that by posting it, I'll get off my butt and actually finish it orz

The music is loud enough that Keito can't hear a word his friends are saying even though they're trying to talk to him, but he doesn't really care. He's drunk enough not to bother with conversation, more interested in how his dancing doesn't feel very embarrassing anymore and how his lips feel itchy from the sourness of strange shots and too little water.

He does get it though when one of them fans herself with her hand and points to the small outdoor area, and he nods and follows as his friends leave in a little trail, pushing past dancing people towards some fresh air. It's two thirty in the morning and Keito doesn't care that he has an essay due tomorrow and that maybe he shouldn't have agreed to that last (large) shot in consideration to that, but instead enjoys getting drunk with his friends without any inhibitions. It's been a while since he was out, honestly he's not out much at all, at least not at clubs, but this felt like a good weekend to just do it. His friends encouraged him, and the fact that half of them have the same assignment as he does makes him feel even better about his decision. At least they'll all be hungover together when trying to finish their tasks.

Keito stumbles a little just as there's a breath of fresh air from the open door, and then suddenly he feels warmth against his front before he spills half his drink on the floor and over his hand. He intends to glare at whoever walked into him because damn that drink was expensive, but looks up and loses all thoughts of glaring. He faces large brown eyes and plush lips, strands of blonde hair framing a rounded face, and Keito's still touching the man's arm, clothed in a simple, tight black shirt with a low neckline. He can't help if maybe he stares for five seconds too long, looking at those dark lashes and wondering if there are people this pretty in real life.

"Shit sorry!" Keito hears the man curse even over the music, and Keito wonders if he's much older than himself, and also a little if he's here alone or where his friends are.

"It's okay!" Keito tries to tell him, but he's clearly not heard and the man frowns, in no way ruining those gorgeous features, and so he tries again, leaning a little closer and the blonde smells like club and smoke but also a touch of cologne that is way too interesting.

"Really?" The man asks, raising an eyebrow and grabs Keito's shoulder to pull him aside as they're in the way, inevitably bringing them closer, and Keito momentarily forgets what he's even doing here and what his mother's name is and which planet he's on. "I can buy you a new one!"

Keito manages to hear, the man's voice barely fifteen centimetres from his ear, and he vehemently shakes his head. There's no need, it was an accident after all.

"You sure?" He asks, and Keito is sure, but he's not sure if he wants to let this man just slip away yet.

"Dance with me instead." He says suddenly, surprising even himself but it must be his hormones taking over the steering wheel with the alcohol co-driving, because this guy is gorgeous and way out of Keito's league. He's probably straight too.

The man tenses a little, glances over Keito's shoulder, and Keito's certain he's going to be pushed away but thinks that at least he won't regret he didn't try, until the man's focus changes back to Keito and he smiles a little, before giving a nod.

Keito's so surprised he doesn't even know what to do, because he basically never hits on anyone in a club and it's never worked before, so he blinks stupidly for a moment until the guy grabs his wrist and tugs him along into the crowd, and Keito hurries to set his drink away on the nearest flat surface in waist-height he walks past.

Keito has enough time to think that he has no idea what he's doing before the man has seemingly found a good place and stops, making Keito almost walk into him as he turns around to face him again, and Keito stops thinking as his hormones go ablaze again like this man's eyes are Keito's on-button.

He's a great dancer, Keito can tell after a second and a half, it's obvious from his body language and how he's much more fluid than any other person dancing around them, not awkward at all and moving like he's not actively thinking about following the beat, and Keito feels big and clumsy suddenly as he basically only does the classical guy-moves.

But those eyes watch his face, and if there's not interest in them Keito has probably discovered an entirely new emotion, and he can only look back, seemingly unable to watch anything but that pretty face. Without his active consent his hands find the man's hips, not pulling or pushing but just feeling his movement, and again he feels the guy tense as he looks around and Keito doesn't know what to read into it, but it wouldn't surprise him if there was a girlfriend or boyfriend around somewhere. _Boy_ friend seems a lot more probable considering he keeps watching Keito like he's assessing him and it's both embarrassing and exciting.

They dance together for one full song and half of another, exchanging small smiles and long lingering looks, and Keito's entire body is on full machine, uncertain what to feel exactly.

Then the man tilts his head to the side and Keito can't resist as his normal perception of personal space is erased by alcohol, and leans in to brush his lips against the revealed skin and it feels so good he doesn't want to do anything else again ever.

The man definitely tenses this time, his head turning back again as his hands grip onto Keito's arms, and Keito feels the staggered breath against his ear and he pulls back, realizing maybe he shouldn't do that, nevermind there's a couple next to them who are practically devouring each other.

The eyes that meet his are dark but hesitant, and Keito wonders if that's the kind of look he has too, his mind pending between terrified and wanting this man so bad he'd do almost anything to get him into his bed.

"Sorry." He says, and even though that can't possibly be heard, the man seems to understand him anyway, because he smiles and shakes his head a little, then slowly lets go of Keito's arms and keeps dancing with him, like nothing happened, and Keito's heart beats fast, wondering if this is seduction or what the hell is going on.

He's never had a one night stand, never even slept with someone he hasn't been already dating, which probably isn't too weird since he's just 22 years old. It feels terrifying though, because this man is pretty enough to be taken home by anyone he'd ever want, and Keito has no idea how a one night stand works or what is expected of him or if he could be even remotely good enough since it's been like a year since his last time.

But at the same time he wants this man, wants him so much all of his internal organs seems to contract and pool with heat, and he briefly wonders if this really is some kind of hotness overload because his body sure can't handle this.

The man leans forward after a little while, to speak in Keito's ear, and this time Keito can smell and feel his bleached hair against his temple and he tilts his head against it like a cat. "... Do you want to take me home?"

Is the question he's asked, and he shivers, both from the hot breath against his ear and the blunt question that sets his imagination going, and his insides does interesting things. It feels like a cold hand of realization around his chest first, but then it eases and there's heat instead, and the answer is pretty obvious.

"Yeah." He admits, hoping he won't embarrass himself and that the man won't change his mind once he gets a good look at him that's not in club light, but it's all overshadowed by how _awesome_ it feels that he managed to land this without even making too much effort.

The man looks hesitant for a second that feels like ages, then licks his lips and nods, taking Keito's wrist and starts pulling him from the dancefloor towards the exit and Keito feels fluttery all over, for a moment wondering if they're going to his place, but then figures they probably are considering how the question was posed, and momentarily panics at the state of his tiny apartment.

He's distracted as the man stops and taps someone's shoulder, a shorter man with brown hair who raises an eyebrow in question at him, and as Keito looks at who he's dancing with, he figures they must be the man's friends because they have the same level of looking a little better than normal people as he does. One is short and slim with dark hair and fierce eyes and the other is tall with long light hair and looks really oshare, and they both give him a glance before looking at the man holding Keito's wrist, a little warily. The dark-haired barely glances at him though and then proceeds to look at Keito almost superiorly.

The man tells the shorter brunette something, and he nods, and then Keito's wrist is pulled on again, towards the exit and he feels the other two friends' looks burning his back while wondering what that was all about.

Keito then remembers he has friends too and that he should probably tell them where the hell he went, and pulls his phone out and opens their group chat, trusting the man holding his arm to guide him right, hurries to write "leaving", and then shoves his phone back into his pocket as they reach the wardrobe.

They retrieve their jackets, and Keito gets a tiny bit of an inferiority complex as the blonde shrugs into a coat that is definitely brand and probably costs more than Keito's rent for three months, and thinks that either this guy has a serious fashion interest or he's rich. Definitely doesn't have a student's economy anyway.

It's walking distance to his place, and Keito tells his companion that as they're out in the air, and he feels a little deaf at the sudden silence and calm air outside so he probably speaks louder than he has to.

The man nods, and he keeps looking around and pointedly looks away when they pass someone, and even though that is a little weird, Keito's too busy panicking and marvelling at what happened to really care.

"What's your name?" He asks before he really has time to think that through, and the man turns to him, looking a little surprised at first, but then smiles in what could be relief, but Keito only thinks that he's really pretty.

"Ryosuke." He says, and Keito wonders for a second why he doesn't give his last name, but he's too distracted by how pleasant his voice sounds to be bothered. First name basis is totally fine with him. "Yours?"

"Keito." He replies, and that's all conversation they have as they walk, Ryosuke clearly with his mind elsewhere as Keito tries to remember whether there are any embarrassing clothes on the floor or something else he can quickly dispose of, and whether he's supposed to offer a drink or something when they get there because he's not sure he has anything. He wishes he could google how to do this, but of course it's really difficult when there's someone walking next to him, and now the only thing he has to use as reference are romantic movies and his previous boyfriends.

He's so nervous he's almost shaking when he unlocks his door to let them both in, trying to decide what the best approach would be now as he steps in first and kicks a pair of jeans on the floor into a corner discreetly.

He clears his throat to start saying something, even though he doesn't know what, but he trails off and watches as Ryosuke lets the coat slip from his shoulders before leaning down to unlace his boots, and Keito hurries to get out of his outerwear too.

When he hangs his jacket up, there's a touch to his shoulder, and as he turns back, Ryosuke's stepped closer, looking at him with slightly hooded eyes and a questioning look and lips a little parted, and Keito thinks to hell with doing things the proper way and leans in to kiss him.

There's no weird tensing now that they're safely behind a closed door, Keito notices as Ryosuke kisses him back wholeheartedly, arms wrapping around Keito's waist and pulling him close.

It's a bit tentative at first, but it feels good and those lips are just as soft as they looked, and Keito's hands find Ryosuke's hips again as he decides to just go for it.

Ryosuke's lips willingly part for him, and Keito looses himself in the kiss that is more exploration than urgency, and he definitely likes the little sighs of air that Ryosuke breathes, the way he tastes like coconut drinks and how warm his skin is even through his shirt. They probably end up just standing there making out for longer than you should with someone you don't even know, Keito thinks, but he doesn't care because it feels damn good.

Ryosuke's the one taking the next step, his hands on Keito's waist trailing down to his hips and suddenly fingertips tease just under the hem of Keito's shirt, and he involuntarily gasps into the kiss. Maybe it's because it's been a good while since someone touched him like this, but when Ryosuke breaks the kiss with a small smirk and his hands sneak up Keito's sides under his shirt, he makes a small sound that could be a moan.

He feels Ryosuke's smile as those warm lips press against his jaw and trails it to his ear, and when there's a gentle bite to his earlobe, Keito's hands on Ryosuke's hips tighten and he's definitely had enough of standing in the hall being seduced.

He grabs Ryosuke's forearm and guides his hands out from under his shirt, and looks up to meet Ryosuke's eyes, making sure he's on the same page.

“Bed.” Keito says simply, because his mind is still spinning a little from those kisses and alcohol isn't making him more clever, but Ryosuke just nods and follows as Keito guides him to his bed.

For a moment, Keito hesitates again, wondering how they're going to do this, but Ryosuke doesn't even seem to notice as he crawls onto Keito's unmade bed and reaches for Keito to follow him.

When Keito does, Ryosuke's legs spread for him to fall between, and he figures that at least that's settled then as he hovers over the blonde and just looks at him for a moment. It feels a bit surreal, seeing someone this crazy pretty in his bed, against his own normal sheets, and it makes that want surge through his veins like fire as he realizes he can actually touch him.

He leans down to brush his lips against Ryosuke's throat, just as briefly as he did at the club, but this time, Ryosuke tilts his head invitingly with a soft sigh, and there's hands pulling at Keito's shirt.

Keito sits back to let it be tugged over his head, and he can only imagine what his hair looks like right now, but he ignores it in favour of getting Ryosuke out of his shirt as well, before returning to his neck. Keito's thoroughly distracted by how the skin against his lips is hot and soft and smells amazing, and how he can feel Ryosuke's pulse speed up under his skin, and so he doesn't really pay any mind to that his own hands roam Ryosuke's chest as there are hands on his too.

Then suddenly fingertips brush his nipple and he groans, hips unconsciously rolling down against Ryosuke's and he gets a little rougher with his mouth, and there's a small moan breathed in his ear that nearly makes him loose his mind.

Keito's already hard, and since his hips started rolling, he can't really make them stop, but Ryosuke doesn't seem to mind, obviously in a similar state as Keito bumps something equally hard and Ryosuke groans, hands clutching onto Keito's bare shoulders so hard his nerves sing.

Then suddenly Ryosuke gasps, and one of those hands move to Keito's hair to pull him away from his throat, and Keito realizes that maybe he shouldn't have been that rough. He's not sixteen anymore, hickeys aren't particularly cool.

“No marks.” Ryosuke says, his voice mixed with breath and it sounds amazing, but Keito can't help but blush a little at his behaviour. “Whatever's good, just no marks.”

That does sound very promising, Keito can't help but think, but leans down to press a gentle kiss to those parted lips. “Sorry.”

He says softly, but then almost gets more embarrassed because that wasn't really a one-night-stand kiss, and hurries to hide his blush by leaning down to brush his lips against Ryosuke's collarbone at the same time as he reaches between Ryosuke's legs.

Keito's fingers are shaking just a little as he undoes the fastenings of Ryosuke's fashionable jeans, which is ridiculous because he has done this before. It's just always equally as scary and exciting when there's someone new.

Ryosuke's hand in Keito's hair tighten and he moans beautifully when Keito makes contact with silky skin covering hard flesh. Keito experimentally strokes him a few times, and when Ryosuke squeezes his eyes shut and his head falls to the side, chest heaving with shallow breaths, Keito has to bite his lip to keep from moaning himself. He shifts a little to be able to rub himself against Ryosuke's thigh discreetly, but he can't stop touching the blonde long enough to undo his own pants.

He can't really control his hips though, and he's starting to wonder how far they'll go, because if they're not going all the way he needs someone to touch him soon and he'd prefer not to do it himself.

“If you have stuff and want to fuck me, now would be a good time.” Ryosuke says then, voice interrupted by quick breaths, and there's something like a hot wave rolling over Keito at the words and he groans.

“Yeah.” He agrees, then lets go of Ryosuke and reaches for his own pants, doing his best to get naked without looking too awkward, but Ryosuke doesn't look at him, just focuses on wriggling out of his own remaining clothing.

Keito reaches for his bedside drawer, hoping dearly he has enough lube for this, but fishes out the bottle and relaxes a little at the weight of it, then settles back between Ryosuke's spread legs and squirts some of the content onto his fingers.

He's a little nervous, mostly because it's really been a while and he keeps doubting himself that he remembers how to make things good, but Ryosuke just stretches and sighs like he has no problem being watched intently while naked and aroused on a bed with his legs spread. It's strangely hot.

Keito trails his dry fingertips up the inside of his thigh, enjoying the softness of the skin and the way Ryosuke squirms, but he notes how muscular his thighs are and can't help but think that he'd be good at riding.

Ryosuke lifts his legs a little as Keito approaches his goal, and the only reaction to wet fingers between his cheeks is his breath catching a little as the circular muscle contracts under Keito's fingertips.

Keito circles his fingers a little for him to get used to the feeling, but Ryosuke's hips push back almost immediately, and Keito takes that as his cue to slip the first finger inside. It's hot and tight and right now Keito can't believe how he's gone so long without feeling this, and his cock twitches almost angrily at the want to replace his finger.

Keito forces himself to look up from where his finger slips inside Ryosuke's body, and sees Ryosuke with a small frown, eyes closed, and Keito's not sure whether he's in pain or just concentrating, but he leans up to kiss him gently anyway, hoping to ease away that frown.

Ryosuke kisses him back almost absentmindedly, and Keito focuses on moving his finger slowly until there's enough room for another.

Ryosuke hisses at the second finger and tenses a little, and Keito stills the movement, looking at him in concern for a moment before tentatively kissing his cheek.

“Sorry.” Ryosuke mumbles, sounding a little embarrassed, one of his hands clutching hard onto Keito's shoulder and the other twisted in the sheets. “It's been a while.”

Keito hides his smile against Ryosuke's temple. “It's okay. For me too.”

He admits, and it feels good saying it, Ryosuke breathing a small laugh, but it does feel a bit easier to move, and Keito is in no hurry anyway.

It takes another minute before he can actually slide his fingers in and out, but then he starts crooking them, looking for the right place, and suddenly Ryosuke arches and moans so sweetly Keito doesn't even have to ask if he got it right. He prods that spot a little more, trailing wet kisses from Ryosuke's cheekbone to his ear and down his throat, and it's not very difficult working in a third finger.

Keito tries to make sure to do a thorough job, but Ryosuke won't have it after Keito hits his prostate repeatedly and he positively writhes against the bed.

“I'm ready, god, just fuck me.” He finally groans, and Keito shudders at how urgent his voice is.

He pulls his fingers free and reaches into the drawer again for a condom, then realizes there's no way he can open the packet with his hands this sticky, and ends up staring at it for a second too long. It's snatched from his fingers then, and Ryosuke easily tears the plastic wrapper open and reaches down to roll it onto Keito's cock.

“Feels weird not having touched you yet.” He explains, voice deep as he strokes Keito's length once after having done his job, and Keito groans, realizing that he's already pretty close. “Feels good.”

Keito blushes a little at that comment, but he's so aroused it's probably impossible to tell, and he simply sets a hand on Ryosuke's chest and pushes him back down so he can lube himself because he probably can't handle Ryosuke's hands doing that.

He positions himself, and exchanges a look with the blonde before he starts pushing inside, holding himself up as he bites his lip to keep from moving too soon. They both groan at the tightness, and Ryosuke's hands find his shoulders again, this time with a hint of nails digging in and Keito had no idea how much he liked that until right now.

He waits, holding himself steady and tries to think of gross things to calm himself down instead of about how hot and tight and perfect this feels and that he just wants to fuck Ryosuke until he screams.

“Yeah.” Ryosuke finally breathes, hands smoothing down Keito's back to give his ass a push forward that has Keito moaning. “Move.”

His body complies before his mind does, giving a first test thrust that makes Ryosuke clutch onto him and moan, but then slowly builds a rhythm, fuelled by Ryosuke's soft moans and the way he clings to Keito, and the feeling is lightyears better than Keito remembered it being. Unfortunately, that just makes him loose it faster, and soon he's thrusting into Ryosuke hard and deep enough for him to slide against the sheets and making his breath catch.

Keito feels his orgasm looming much closer than he'd like, because he doesn't want this to end, but he has to admit defeat and reaches up for Ryosuke's wrist, guiding his hand between them, and suddenly he constricts so tightly around Keito that he whines, and Ryosuke arches, hand wrapped around himself.

Keito actually has to struggle to let Ryosuke get there first, but it only takes him contracting almost painfully tight around Keito's erection and a look at his face as he looses himself in ecstasy for Keito to be unable to fight it anymore, and he comes for what feels like forever.

When he returns to full consciousness, he feels a bit like he was hit by a bus, and he pulls out with a groan, gently rubbing Ryosuke's legs as he lowers them.

Ryosuke looks almost as knocked out as Keito feels, and Keito has to fight himself to get up and discard the condom and fetch a damp cloth to clean up.

Ryosuke looks surprised when Keito returns with the cloth for him, but smiles softly and he looks if possible even prettier now, with a tint of pink on his cheeks and the tips of his bangs spiked together in sweat.

“You can stay, if you want.” Keito offers, before crashing into his bed next to Ryosuke, and if he lands a little on top of him so he can't leave, it's not entirely accidental.

“Thanks.” Ryosuke smiles, and Keito smiles back before he falls asleep almost embarrassingly fast.

 

~*~

 

When Keito wakes up, the first thing he registers is that he should have definitely had water before he fell asleep yesterday, and he groans in regret, then realizes there's a hand on his arm.

“Hey.” A soft voice says, and when Keito opens his eyes, it takes him half a second to recognize Ryosuke's nervous face. He's kneeling beside Keito's bed, fully dressed all the way to his fancy coat, and he looks like he's torn between whether he should do this or not. “Sorry to wake you.”

“'s fine.” Keito manages, voice thick with sleep and he wonders what time it is and how Ryosuke can look as fresh as a spring morning.

“It felt pretty douchy to leave without saying anything.” Ryosuke explains, then bites his lip and looks at Keito's face uncertainly, and Keito frowns, wondering what he's doing. “Look I... Uhm...”

He trails off, and Keito blinks to try and wake up more, because this feels a little alarming. “... What?”

“I don't do this, like, at all, and I probably, uhm, definitely shouldn't, but...” Ryosuke almost stumbles over his words and Keito reluctantly sits up, wondering whether he should say something, but then Ryosuke takes a deep breath and lets it out as a sigh. “Look, if I gave you my number would you call me? I work all the time and I can't really go out but... Would you?”

Keito just stares at him in shock for a full minute, takes in his perfect blonde hair, his pretty face and fashionable style and thinks about what they did yesterday and that he wouldn't mind doing that again.

Then he breathes an incredulous laugh, because seriously, who the hell would reject that offer.

Ryosuke frowns in confusion and hesitantly backs a little, but Keito grabs his arm as he realizes what his reaction might be read as.

“Are you serious, of course I would?” He says, astonished and flattered to the edge of his sanity because he is _not_ pretty enough to date a guy like this.

“Yeah?” Ryosuke asks, still looking a little hesitant but there's a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Then here.”

He reaches out a folded piece of paper and Keito takes it, then looks as Ryosuke rises. “Thanks.”

“I've got to go now, but uhm... I'll hear from you then?” Ryosuke asks, smiling a little for real now and Keito honestly doesn't want to let him leave even though he doesn't know this guy at all.

“Yeah.” Keito agrees and Ryosuke smiles and turns to head for the door, giving a little “goodbye” before he steps out and then he's gone.

Keito leans back against his pillows and takes a slow breath, wondering what the hell just happened to him, and can't help but wonder if he dreamed this despite Ryosuke just leaving.

He unfolds the paper and looks at it, a normal cellphone number and a name written neatly.

“Yamada Ryosuke.” Keito reads out loud for himself, and can't help but wonder why he hadn't wanted to give his last name yesterday. There's nothing special about that name.

 

~*~

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

When Keito wakes up again, he's a little less hungover and it's ten o'clock, and as he slowly opens his eyes to stare into the ceiling, he can't help but wonder if he dreamed that whole thing. But there's that scent lingering on his sheets, that interesting cologne, and when he turns his head to look at his bedside table, there's the unfolded paper with a number on it, and he figures that it did actually happen.

He sits up slowly, dragging himself out of bed to start making coffee because his deadline is at three o'clock and he has some revising left to do no matter how much he wants to stay in bed and cuddle his sheets and pretend he doesn't have a real life.

It takes him five minutes to find his phone, since it's apparently fallen out of his pants pocket and slid in under his bed, but as he finally does, he rolls his eyes at the preview messages on the screen. Replies to his hurried “leaving”, including “keito wtf” and “you cant leave yet you wussy” and then some default upset smileys. He can't help but grin at how the messages get more and more full of typos, and Akito's just says “keitoadbfff”, which he has no idea what it was supposed to mean. _Taking someone home isn't a legit excuse?_

He writes, because yeah he feels like bragging a bit about this. Besides, it's not like he was _planning_ to leave that early.

He leaves his phone on the table as he gets into the shower to try and wash the hangover away, and his mind inevitably trails back to yesterday and the man he'd brought home. It kind of sucks having been drunk yesterday and too tired this morning, because it all feels a little like it's dimmed, like he can't remember crystal clear and he'd like to.

He still finds it a little weird that he didn't give his last name at first, and now that he thinks about it sober, he did act a little weird all in all. Yamada's like... a name you'd give if you _didn't_ want to say your real name, so Keito really doesn't get it. There's also this awkward making sure no one was looking at him, like he was paranoid someone might see him.

Keito frowns as he washes the smoke from his hair, wondering what that was all about, but then lets it go.

When he returns to the kitchen, fresh and clean and tucked into his dressing gown, he looks at his phone again and grins. There are three different “WHAT” from three different people, and then Ami's, the eternal gossip-lover, message sounds like 50 questions about the guy. It includes what he looked like, if he was good and if Keito's just making this up not to be a wuss.

_I got his number too._ Keito writes, mostly to see his friends' reactions, but also a little so that he's told someone. Because if his courage fails him when it's time to call, someone can force him.

He sits down to drink his coffee and eat breakfast, opening his laptop and scrolls through facebook to pass time. A friend of his seems to have gotten a girlfriend, and Keito suddenly sits up straighter. One reason to keep hiding from someone when hooking up is if you already have a partner that's not the person you're dancing with. He can't really explain the sudden panic he feels at that idea, but then takes a deep breath and argues with himself. Yamada for starters wouldn't give him his number if that was the case. It also wouldn't have been a while since he had sex if he had a partner, because no one could possibly stay away from him for too long if they had him as theirs.

_Now we know you're making this up Keito, at least act believable._ His phone chimes to announce, and Keito's not sure whether to laugh or be offended, but lays his phone down in favour of his school work.

He pushes the whole Yamada-issue aside then, and decides that it's time to finish his essay. At 13:08, he's finished, and he hates revising and essays and school so bad he just wants to quit, but it feels good as he finally hands it in to his professor over the Internet.

He sighs in relief and makes more coffee, deciding to watch TV and maybe fall asleep some more. His sheets still smell a little like that cologne, and he's not sure whether he likes that or not. He needs to be able to sleep tonight after all. He starts the TV, and there's some silly game show on with comedians and idols making fools out of themselves, and he lets it play as he sets his coffee down on the bedside table and crawls back into bed, reaching for his phone to play some well-deserved games.

He glances at the show once in a while when there's loud laughter, and he pauses a little as there's a man on the screen that he thinks looks familiar. He's dark-haired and looks rather short and seems to behave like a brat, and Keito frowns, wondering where he's seen him before. Then there's a nametag on him, reading Chinen Yuri and underneath Hey! Say! JUMP, and Keito reasons that if the guy's an idol from some boygroup, he could have honestly seen his face anywhere.

He looks a little more closely at the show until it ends though, because it bothers him a bit that he can't think of where he's seen him. It feels like it was pretty recent.

In the end, he falls asleep just as the show is wrapping up, and when he wakes up in time for dinner, he's mostly disappointed he forgot to drink his coffee.

 

~*~

 

Keito taps his phone again, looking at the time because surely there has to have been _at least_ five minutes since last time he checked. It hasn't. There's been two minutes.

He's decided to call after six. And it's still just 17.52, and honestly calling at exactly six is a little too neat so maybe he should wait until a couple minutes past, but time seems to have decided to go at half speed today and Keito's not sure his nerves can handle another fifteen minutes.

He hadn't really been planning to call yet anyway. It's only Monday. But as he hoped, his friends forced him.

“You're not screwing around? You seriously got this guy's number?” Ami asked him during the break at their last lecture for the day.

“Yeah?” Keito agreed, not even rolling his eyes at the implication because she sounded serious.

“Then just call him to get it over with, because you're spacing out all the time and I somehow don't think accentual differences is on your mind.” She told him, pointedly raising an eyebrow and Keito blushed a little, starting a protest but she cut him off. “No. Just do it.”

And so here Keito is, sitting by his kitchen table and staring at his cell phone, too stressed out to do anything else. He hates calling people he doesn't know, really hates it. Even if they know he's going to call, he still hates it. His heart goes into his throat and he gets all anxious as soon as he thinks about it, so sitting here waiting to call isn't exactly a good idea, but he thinks that maybe if he works up enough anxiety, he'll end up just wanting to do it to get rid of it.

He's got his notebooks and laptop before him, and he's a little ashamed to admit that he's sketched an outline of what he's going to say, support words as simple as “Hi” and “Keito” and “Eat?” but it helps. Makes him feel less like he's going to say something incredibly stupid.

The note with the phone number is before him, just in case he wants to double check it. For the fourteenth time. He's already added the number to his contact list after all.

He manages to wait another actual four minutes, but at 17.57 he can't do it anymore and just presses the call button, feeling his pulse in his ear and his breathing elevated enough that it can probably be heard. The first signal passes and Keito draws a long shaky breath to calm himself.

The second and third goes too, and Keito's anxiety lowers slowly, until there's finally a default voice mail starting instead. He considers for a second leaving a message, but he didn't prepare for that, and besides, it feels weird when there's the default female voice asking him to do so. It could be anyone's phone after all. He hangs up with a sigh, thinking that that was anticlimactic, but still he's a little relieved.

He tries to ignore the thought that maybe this is the wrong phone number after all.

“He did say he works all the time.” He tells himself out loud, and it helps at least a little. He decides to write a text instead, because now he's tried calling and so he's not a coward if he sends a text message.

_Hi. I tried calling but I guess you're busy. Anyway, here's my number, in case you still want it. Keito._

He writes after deleting a few tries, figuring it's casual enough but still interested and not too personal _in case_ Yamada gave him the wrong number after all.

Now, all he needs to do is wait.

 

~*~

 

It turns out Keito's not very good at waiting. Especially not when the whole evening passes and he doesn't manage to get anything done, and he almost gets angry at his phone when it buzzes with some other notification. And he's not better at it the next day during class.

Apparently he's moping so much that his friends all turn to him as soon as the teacher announces a break.

“Keito, what's the matter?” Ami asks immediately, frowning and looking concerned. “I haven't seen you look this much like a thunder cloud since that time you blew your grandmother's porcelain in the microwave.”

“Which was hilarious.” Akito adds with a grin, but then puts on a serious face when Keito turns to glare at him. “Seriously though, what's up?”

Haruka looks pointedly over Ami's shoulder like she's trying to make sure she's included in the interrogation.

“... You'll laugh.” Keito mutters, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No we won't.” Haruka assures, squishing in between Ami and the back of Ami's seat to feel more included.

“Akito'll laugh.” Keito clarifies, because he knows his friend well enough to be certain of that.

“If he laughs we'll eat his lunch.” Ami smiles, tone encouraging, and Akito makes a sound of protest from Keito's right.

Keito sighs, but knows he's not getting out of this and he kind of wants their reassurance. “You know this guy.”

“The guy you banged this weekend?” Haruka asks a little too loudly and Ami squishes her against the chair for a second as punishment as Keito hushes her, but she just grins a little sheepishly. “Sorry. Him?”

“Yeah, him.” Keito agrees. “I called him yesterday, because Ami told me to, and he didn't pick up so I sent a message, and he hasn't replied. It's been like... Fifteen hours, who doesn't check their phone for fifteen hours?”

The girls look pitying when Keito looks up after a moment, and when he turns to Akito, he's grimacing a little like he's trying to fight a grin.

“Well, at least give him today before you start worrying.” Haruka advices. “Guys are hopeless like that, you know, one guy I hooked up with didn't answer for like a week.”

“Yeah, but he didn't want to date you anyway.” Ami tells her with an unimpressed glare, then seems to realize that's not helping. “But yeah, definitely give him today.”

Akito lays a hand on Keito's shoulder, seemingly having gotten a grip on his composure now. “It's not that odd though, maybe he has another phone too? Like for work or something?”

Keito turns to look at him, a little amazed, because that actually helps. “... He did say he works all the time.”

Akito makes a triumphant face that says 'I told you so', and Keito doesn't even want to punch him.

“Just wait, he'll probably get in touch.” Ami says comfortingly, patting Keito's other shoulder. “And if he doesn't, we'll have a sleepover and eat tons of Ben & Jerry's, okay?”

Keito agrees, and tries not to think about it anymore, but he can't help that he checks his phone instantly as soon as it buzzes.

He's honestly already given up when the reply comes, because it's 23:10 and he's about to go to sleep after he finishes another chapter in his book, when his phone lights up with a message and Keito's heart nearly stops.

He's not sure exactly when this became so important to him, but apparently, it is.

_Hi. Sorry it took so long to answer. Are you awake?_

Suddenly, his heart is making up for the stop by beating really fast instead, and he's already forgiven Yamada for not answering even though it's been roughly 30 hours.

_Yeah._ He writes back, hoping he's not sounding too curt, and tries to continue reading, but he just stares at the same two rows without seeing them anyway so he quickly gives up.

_Can I call you now then?_

Keito pauses for a moment, because he's not prepared for this. At all. But still, he can't exactly say no, doesn't want to say no, but still... no.

_Sure._

He swallows, then clears his throat a little, and even though he expects it, he still jumps when his phone starts buzzing and shows a caller ID without a picture. His hand is shaking a little as he slides to answer the call, and he tries to keep his breathing from sounding like he just ran a race.

“Hello?” He says, and it only sounds a little wavering, and he angles the mouthpiece from his mouth and takes a deep breath.

“Hey.” That smooth voice answers, and there are soft background sounds like he's outside. “Keito, right?”

“Yeah, that's right.” Keito agrees, then has to admit his feelings. “I was starting to think you gave me the wrong number.”

There's an uncomfortable laugh. “Yeah, sorry, really. I work a lot right now so I just kind of came home and fell asleep yesterday, and today... well, I got off now.”

“Seems pretty tough.” Keito comments, briefly wondering what kind of job that is, but he knows a lot of people work way overtime so he doesn't linger on it.

“Sometimes.” Yamada says softly, but it sounds like he's smiling. “So uhm... I guess you wanted to see me again since you called.”

“Yeah, I... Guess so.” Keito says, then hears how awkward he sounds. “I mean, it'd be nice actually talking to you, or something?”

Good Keito, that's so totally not awkward, he thinks and rolls his eyes at himself, but Yamada laughs.

“I guess we didn't do that very much.” He says, then pauses. “Did you have something in mind?”

“I... Food?” Keito suggests stupidly, but he hears Yamada breathe a laugh. “I didn't get much further than that.”

“Well, I like food.” Yamada says. “I'm not too much for going out though, I'd rather do dinner and maybe a movie at home? If that's okay with you?”

His tone is different now, more hesitant, and Keito's reminded of that strange behaviour where he kept looking around.

“Sure. Uhm... Wanna come to my place then?” He asks, figuring since Yamada agreed to that before he could probably agree again.

“Sounds good.” Yamada says, and Keito releases a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, but Yamada's voice is still that strange tone. “It's just... My schedule's pretty tight and I get off late and I don't really... Know when a good time is.”

He admits, sounding a little reluctant like Keito's going to hang up after he said that.

“Uhm... I'm mostly free, and I guess I don't mind it being late as long as I don't have classes the following day?” He says, and he can't deny he's a little apprehensive, but he decides that it's worth the chance. “Just... Suggest something?”

“Really?” Yamada asks, still sounding a little reluctant. “Even if it'd be at like... Ten in the evening?”

“... I guess, yeah?” Keito says, wondering a little what he's getting himself into.

“... How's Thursday?” Yamada suggests, and Keito dives for his calendar on his bedside table and flips pages to the right week.

“I have a class at ten on Friday morning, but as long as it doesn't get too late I guess that works?” He says, and he can't say he expects Yamada's reaction.

“Are you seriously agreeing to this?” He asks, sounding mostly in awe, and Keito frowns.

“... Shouldn't I?” He wonders, even more suspicious now, wondering if this is some kind of prank.

“No I... Sorry.” Yamada apologizes, but his voice is light and warm again, if a little bashful. “I just... People normally think I'm some kind of criminal or something equally creepy at this stage. Sorry.”

“... I guess it sounds a little weird, but I mean, you didn't kill me or something last time after all?” Keito tries to explain his reasoning, and Yamada laughs, a real laugh.

“Thank you.” He says. “... So is it really all right? Thursday night? I mean, I could probably make it during day hours, but that would have to be in like three weeks and-”

“Thursday's fine.” Keito cuts him off, and now he really can't help but wonder what kind of job it is Yamada has.

Yamada's quiet for a moment, but then there's a soft “Okay. Thanks.”

“I'm not the best cook though.” Keito warns, because he isn't.

“I can bring take-out?” Yamada offers.

“Sounds good.” Keito agrees, and he can't help but smile.

“So... Thursday it is then?” Yamada asks, but this time Keito can tell he's wrapping up the conversation rather than questioning it. “I'll let you know during the day when I get off, okay?”

“Okay.” Keito says.

“I'll let you sleep now.” Yamada says softly. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Keito replies awkwardly, and then takes the phone from his ear to hang up. The call lasted 3 minutes and 12 seconds, his phone informs him, and Keito just keeps looking at the screen, wondering what he just did.

 

~*~

 

His friends wonder too. A lot. When Keito tells them the arrangement, they immediately start questioning his decision, calling him naïve. Is he sure it's the same guy? Doesn't that sound awfully creepy? What kind of a job does he have that keeps him all the time? They speculate vividly during lunch break about all kinds of things ranging from drug dealing via prostitution to stealing, and Keito just rolls his eyes and lets them go on. They're mainly having fun with it, but he knows they're a little worried too, even when he tells them he's a grown man who can look after himself, and besides this guy's smaller than him.

The closer to Thursday it gets, the more nervous Keito becomes as well, and he starts listening to them more and more. What does he know about Yamada anyway? He's hot. He's blonde. He's a good kisser. He apparently works a lot. That's... about it. He could be anything. He's about to freak out and cancel the whole thing during Thursday afternoon, but then he gets a message from Yamada, saying he's quitting at half past nine, and wondering what Keito wants to eat and asks for his address. And suddenly he's not in a panicked state anymore, more of nervous anticipation, and it ends with him having nothing to do besides wait at seven that night.

He's cleaned up a little, had a lighter dinner, done the dishes and changed into comfortable but still not his least attractive clothes. And so he's back to waiting.

He calls his mother, because that's always a good idea to pass time, and she talks a good forty minutes about everything and nothing and Keito calms down considerably. Then he decides he can't just sit there and do nothing, so he switches the TV on and leisurely watches drama while playing games on his phone and tries not to look at the time.

In the end, his three hours and fifteen minutes feel like a day, and just as the time is around ten, he's started yawning and he almost wants to go to sleep, which is ridiculous considering how he's been anticipating this the whole week.

When the doorbell rings, his body fires up with adrenaline again, all tiredness forgotten, and he nervously fixes his hair and looks at his outfit once more just in case it changed without him knowing, and heads to open the door with heart pounding in his chest.

Yamada looks tired but gives a small smile, wearing a hat and glasses and another fashionable jacket, a leather one, and the white take-away bag he holds smells delicious.

“Hi.” Yamada says, sounding a little nervous, but he's still smiling.

“Hi. Welcome.” Keito replies, and steps back to let him inside, accepting the food when Yamada hands it to him, then blurts out: “You have really fancy jackets.”

Yamada pauses from where he's halfway out of his jacket and looks a little surprised. “... Thanks, I guess? Did you think about my jacket last time?”

Keito shrugs a little awkwardly. “Yeah, uhm... It was fancy.”

Yamada smiles and continues to get out of his outerwear. “Thanks.”

Keito watches him for a moment while trying to fight his awkward blush, looks at his expensive jeans and simple black T-shirt with some writing on it, and thinks that he still manages to look a little too pretty. Those hipster glasses don't help.

“You hungry now?” Keito asks then, mainly to have something else to say than something about how Yamada looks.

“Starving actually.” Yamada smiles as he sets his shoes aside and straightens. “Don't judge me if I eat a lot.”

“Why would I?” Keito asks with a small laugh, because who even cares about things like that. “You're really slim anyway.”

Yamada blinks once, again looking a little surprised. “... You think so?”

Keito tilts his head in confusion, because Yamada's definitely more fit than all of Keito's friends. “Yeah? Don't you? You have abs for god's sake.”

“... Sure.” Yamada says, but he smiles and steps past Keito into his tiny apartment, and Keito can't help but feel like he changes the subject deliberately. “It's cleaner than last time.”

“I didn't expect company last time.” Keito admits, then starts getting out plates and glasses for them to disguise his random blush.

“No?” Yamada grins, just standing by the kitchen table as he watches Keito lay it for them. “I thought you seemed pretty certain of what you wanted.”

“Yeah, I wanted you.” Keito says before he can even think about that he's opened his mouth, and his blush deepens considerably. “I mean... I hadn't...”

Yamada just smiles at his awkwardness. “That means you wouldn't have brought anyone if you didn't bump into me?”

“Yeah, something like that.” Keito agrees as he opens the bag with food.

“Thanks.” Yamada says, and Keito has to look up in confusion. “I'll consider that a compliment.”

Keito almost wants to ask if Yamada needs compliments, because he has to get them all the time, but he doesn't because how would that sound.

Yamada doesn't talk much while they eat, mostly asks questions about Keito in between stuffing his mouth. Keito tells about how he's studying English literature, which leads him into talking about how he was sent to England for a couple years when he was younger, which leads him to his family, and suddenly he feels like he's been through his entire life and he still doesn't know anything about Yamada. That he's been kept talking means that he still has food left when Yamada's finished, and he takes the opportunity by asking about Yamada's life, about his family and so on while Keito finishes his food. Yamada immediately starts talking about his family, that he has two sisters and that having siblings is a cruel thing because they're always brutally honest, telling you when you're ugly or do something wrong or act stupid, then proceeds to tell stories about how his sisters were mean to him when he grew up, including a small scar on his cheek that he points out. He assures that he loves them to death though, but that they're very good at making his life difficult. Keito's laughing at the stories, because he doesn't have siblings himself, and he's always felt like he missed out on something there.

They slip over from there when Yamada mentions a TV-show he used to love when he was little that Keito definitely knows, and after some reminiscing that is almost too similar, they realize that they're almost exactly the same age.

“Wow, you're my age?” Keito asks, a little surprised, because the entirety of Yamada's appearance makes him seem... maybe not older really, but a little more experienced, or something like that.

“I thought you were older than me to be honest.” Yamada admits, grinning. “Could be that you're taller I guess. But I'm always teased about being small.”

“You're not that short though.” Keito tells him, because he's not.

“No, but I'm like... small, look at my hands.” Yamada insists, stretching his hand out across the table, and Keito lays his own next to it.

“Still not small.” Keito insists. “Smaller, not small.”

Yamada laughs at that, then easily lets his hand slide up to cover Keito's, and something inside of Keito flops around a little.

Yamada looks at him with a small smile, as if assessing his reaction. “Should we watch a movie or something?”

“Sounds good.” Keito agrees, even though he has no idea what they're going to watch, but Yamada's smile is inviting and his touch warming and leaving the table sounds good anyway.

Keito makes quick work of just gathering up the dishes, figuring he can do them tomorrow.

“The remote control is on the bedside table, feel free to go through the channels.” Keito tells Yamada as they leave the table, and when Keito's done with the dishes, Yamada's settled comfortably on Keito's bed, zapping through channels.

“Pirates of the Caribbean?” He asks when Keito sits down on the bed too, not too close to Yamada but not very far away either, a little uncertain of how to proceed now.

“I love Pirates of the Caribbean.” He admits, and Yamada raises an impressed eyebrow at his pronunciation.

“You really do study English, huh.” He says, then grasps Keito's upper arm and gently guides him closer. Keito's surprised, but he doesn't protest when Yamada cuddles close and finds a comfortable position with his head on Keito's chest, then speaks up like it's an afterthought. “... I hope you don't think we're at square one again since this is our first date?”

Keito is speechless at first, wondering if this is how things are supposed to proceed, but it feels pretty good and if this is what Yamada wants from him, then sure. “I don't mind.”

“Good.” Yamada tells him, and Keito smiles as he breathes in that cologne, honestly a little relieved that watching a movie wasn't automatically a pretext for something else. Even though he wouldn't mind some of that either. “... Johnny Depp is really hot.”

“Yeah, that's at least half the reason I love these movies.” Keito agrees, and Yamada just hums in agreement into his chest, so Keito focuses on the movie instead. They're halfway through the second one, he can tell immediately, because maybe he's seen them just a couple times, and he easily picks up at what point they are in the plot as he awkwardly lays an arm around Yamada.

The English in these movies is often too difficult for him, but he likes to try and follow their weird words and quick exchanges, and as they start shooting at each other on screen, his focus eases a little and he realizes that Yamada's asleep against his chest.

He pauses for a moment, wondering what to do, before he reaches down to carefully take his glasses off and places them on the bedside table, and Yamada stirs a little as Keito moves. He doesn't wake up though, and Keito ends up shamelessly trying to look at him sleeping, but the angle is not very good for him.

He must be dead tired though, Keito thinks, and he's a little concerned as he moves around to make it more comfortable for himself and Yamada still sleeps soundly, just a warm weight on his chest.

It feels nice, Keito thinks as he wraps his arm tighter around Yamada and smells his hair again, and he can at least admit to himself how much he missed cuddling since his last relationship ended. It feels nice enough that when Keito looks at the time and it's already 00:32, he considers not waking Yamada up to make sure he misses his last train. But he's not that kind of guy, unfortunately, and so he gently shakes Yamada's shoulder and brushes a few strands of hair from his face.

“Hey?” He says softly, and Yamada groans but slowly blinks his eyes open after a little more effort from Keito. “It's late, if you want to go home you'll have to go pretty soon.”

Yamada just looks up at him for a moment like he's too tired to understand what Keito's saying, then slowly sits up properly, and he's got a mark on his cheekbone from a crease in Keito's shirt and that's adorable.

“... What time is it?” He squints a little, raising a hand to run through his hair.

“Half past twelve.” Keito tells him, and Yamada's eyes widen.

“Really?” He asks, blinking at Keito. “For how long did you let me sleep?”

Keito shrugs a little sheepishly, wondering if he did something wrong. “Not sure, 45 minutes?”

“... Wow, sorry.” Yamada apologizes, but Keito doesn't really know what for. “Could have been time better spent huh?”

“... I'm pretty satisfied.” Keito admits, then blushes a little when Yamada frowns in confusion. “So are you leaving?”

“I... Can I stay?” Yamada asks, and Keito nods so quickly it's almost embarrassing. “I have to get up in like... 6 hours.”

“That's okay.” Keito assures him, and Yamada looks at him for a long moment with eyes that Keito has no idea how to read.

“Thank you. Really.” He finally says, and he sounds sincere.

Keito still doesn't get it, but he doesn't really have time to think of a response before Yamada's leaned in close enough to brush their lips together, and that doesn't help his brain cells work any better.

It's a brief kiss at first, which turns into another, and another, and when Yamada's hands slide into Keito's hair and there's a flick of something wet against his lower lip, Keito easily parts his lips.

It's comfortable, Keito thinks, even though there's hormones rushing through his veins and sparking pleasure all over from the contact, he's mostly comfortable with this lazy kissing that doesn't seem to have any particular purpose, since Yamada's hands stay in his hair and he doesn't move any closer.

Yamada is the one who eventually pulls away, and Keito's left feeling warm and a little dazed, and maybe a bit sexually frustrated.

“We should sleep.” Yamada says softly, and Keito nods slowly even though he really wouldn't mind doing something else since that felt so good and Yamada is so damn gorgeous.

“You can thank me anytime you want.” He says instead, before he really knows what he's talking about, and Yamada suddenly laughs.

“We really are doing these things in the entirely wrong order, aren't we?” He asks, and Keito has to agree.

“Yeah, we are. I don't really mind though.” He admits, because this date is definitely not a typical first, but it's good not having to worry about things like if he could maybe touch Yamada's hand or something.

“Me neither. Can I borrow something to sleep in?” Yamada asks with a soft smile, sitting back.

“Sure.” Keito agrees, then hurries to get up and find an old T-shirt and pyjamas pants for him and then gets to the bathroom to dig out a spare toothbrush.

When he returns, Yamada's changed out of his jeans, and gratefully takes the toothbrush and leaves for the bathroom.

Keito sits down on his bed, and he's about to touch his phone screen to see what time it is, but then sees that there are two phones on his bedside table and that he touched the wrong one. There's a message notification on the screen, from someone called “Dai-chan”, reading “You're alright, right? Just let me know so I can sleep”, and Keito can't help but smile at the fact that someone thinks of _him_ as the scary guy.

“You have a message.” Keito tells Yamada when he returns from the bathroom, now all dressed in Keito's old clothes and there's an odd feeling rising in Keito's chest at the sight that makes him hurry past Yamada to the bathroom himself to keep Yamada from noticing his expression.

He looks himself in the mirror and makes a face at his red cheeks and he tries to calm down a little. He's a little surprised at his own reaction, at how damn attractive he found Yamada in his own clothes, because those clothes are pretty ugly. But it might just be that anything would probably look hot on Yamada. Now he just needs to accept that enough to be able to leave the bathroom without embarrassing himself.

 

~*~

 

 

“... How long did he stay?” Is the first thing Akito asks when Keito sits down in class, sounding sceptical and with an eyebrow raised. “You look like shit.”

“Not bad yourself.” Keito easily replies, but then yawns and Ami nearly crawls onto Akito's back to be able to see him too. “'Til seven this morning.”

“No wonder you're tired then.” Ami grins, and Keito rolls his eyes.

“Actually, we didn't.” He says curtly, because he's _not_ talking about this in class.

“... What?” Akito frowns, and looks at Ami for clarification, but she looks equally confused.

“... I... “ Keito looks around, random classmates both behind him and in front of him. “Can we talk about this later?”

“Yeah, sure.” Ami agrees, but Akito still frowns like he doesn't get it. “Haruka's got some book to buy after this class, so come along and then we can have coffee or something, yeah?”

Keito agrees, and he's thankful their class is starting because Akito seems like he's about to say something more. He can't say he's too focused on the class though; he keeps spacing out and missing full slides on their lecturer's powerpoint.

He's mostly distracted with random memories from yesterday that suddenly makes him smile out of nowhere, but there's something nagging at the back of his mind too. That he still doesn't really know anything about Yamada.

He gets that even clearer for himself on their way to the bookshop, when Haruka and Ami interrogates him about last night, coming with questions like “what does he do?” and “what's his hobbies?” and he can't answer at all.

Akito seems mostly confused that they didn't fuck even though Yamada stayed the night.

“What _do_ you know about this guy?” Haruka rolls her eyes as they take the escalator to the third floor.

“Things that I find important?” Keito rolls his eyes back at her, but that's not entirely true. He's starting to feel that there's maybe too much he doesn't know.

“Yeah?” Haruka raises an eyebrow. “You don't even know what he does! How old is he? Hell, what's his name?”

“I don't need to know that yet, we're nothing serious?” Keito argues at the question of what Yamada does for a living, because a lot has been circulating around that. “He's 22 and his name's Yamada Ryosuke, are you happy?”

“Weren't you seeing him again? So at least a little serious?” Haruka smirks this time, and Keito has to fight a blush.

“Uhm, guys, I'll just go check something downstairs, I'll be back.” Ami says, but they don't pay that much attention to her leaving.

“You want to be serious anyway, don't you?” Akito grins and pokes Keito's waist, which tickles and makes him jump. “You're blushing.”

“... He's really hot.” Keito mutters as they follow Haruka into the maze of bookshelves. “And he's... I don't know, I just like him, even though he's weird.”

“I told you, you _like_ him. It's not very good doing that already.” Haruka insists while scanning the shelves.

“And he's weeeird~” Akito adds, and does something ridiculously wavy with his hands that he must have learned in anime.

“Are you having a late-night date next time too?” Haruka asks, but she sounds a little absent now as she's slowing down, focus on the books.

“I don't really know yet.” Keito admits sheepishly. They'd only said next week after all, but Yamada had smiled so happily when Keito agreed to seeing him again that Keito hadn't really cared to clarify that further, especially not after Yamada promised to call him this time. “He's gonna call me.”

“You, are hopeless.” Akito tells him, and then starts a story about a couple in some manga and how _he'd_ let _her_ call and that she never did after she got what she wanted from him, and Keito honestly stops listening and starts looking at the books, because Akito's taste in manga is so bad. His intent is good, Keito supposes, but it'd be more relatable if he didn't insist on telling stories like these to support his point.

“I've got my book, shall we leave?” Haruka interrupts loudly as Akito's getting to the really bad parts, and they both agree and start heading for the escalators.

“Seriously though, do you think he'll call you?” Akito asks as he leans against the armrest in the escalator. “I mean, if he didn't want to sleep with you, I guess-”

Keito just laughs and shoves at him. “Yeah, I think he'll call me. And that not everything has to be about sex all the time.”

“Dear god, what are you, in love?” Akito rolls his eyes, and Keito shoves at him again.

Ami's waiting for them at the bottom of the escalator, holding something.

“What have you got?” Haruka asks as they come down to the ground floor, looking at the magazine in Ami's hands. “Did your sister want that?”

“No, she already has it actually.” Ami says, but she keeps looking at Keito, and Keito tilts his head in confusion as he glances at the magazine, to where Ami's got a finger in it as a marker. He figures it contains idols in case Ami's sister already has it; she's crazy about those boyband guys.

“Keito, you can laugh at me if you want, but I just gotta check.” Ami says, sounding a little defensive in advance. “It's not this guy, right?”

She flips the magazine open on the page she had marked and holds it horizontally, showing a spread with a guy on each page. One is black and white and discreet with some red text over it, but Keito's eyes are drawn like a magnet to the other. It's a close-up, in colour, and Yamada's definitely wearing eyeliner and his hair looks a bit more grey or silvery than Keito's seen and he's wearing a yellow shirt and an earring stud with a silver cross. He's really pretty, shit he's photogenic, but Keito can't think further than that's him and what the hell is he doing in an idol magazine.

He's speechless, and he's pretty certain his mouth is a little open as he reaches out to take the magazine from Ami's hands, and understands that it's a two page poster, so he unfolds the rest and just stares at the picture, trying to think that there has to be someone else who looks just like this and... has the same name. Ryosuke Yamada, it says neatly in swirly yellow letters next to his picture.

“No. Fucking. Way.” Ami says, but her voice is more amazed than disbelieving. “You _have_ to be kidding.”

 

~*~

 


	3. Chapter 3

“Here you go.” Akito says and sets Keito's coffee down on the table before him, then sits down himself too.

“Thanks.” Keito says and takes the cup to cradle it between his hands.

They just walked straight across the street from the bookshop and into the nearest Starbucks, and Keito's still a little in shock. Enough that he was told to sit down and let Akito buy his coffee for him.

“This is the group.” Ami says, spreading the idol magazine she bought him for “educational purposes” before Keito on the table. “You still sure? It's really him?”

“Yeah I...” Keito picks up the magazine, looking at the spread. “Yeah.”

It's a pretty picture, eight boys on a row on a street in fading sunlight, but Keito's so focused on analyzing Yamada's looks that he doesn't really care. “I mean, I've only seen him blonde, and it's a difficult light but... They're really, _really_ alike.”

“... This is crazy.” Haruka comments, but she mostly sounds in disbelief. “Am I supposed to believe Keito picked up some super pretty idol guy at a random club?”

“Here.” Ami places her phone on top of the magazine, a browser window open with 'Yamada Ryosuke' written in the search field, and there are so many pictures Keito almost feels a little dizzy. He scrolls through a good twenty, and apparently Yamada's usually a brunette, if it is him anyway. Keito is so certain at the same time as he can't believe it could be him, thinks that there _has_ to be someone else, and he's left doubting himself. Then there's a picture of him in glasses, and Keito hands Ami her phone back.

“It's him.” He says weakly, and then goes on to stare at Yamada in the magazine instead. _How?_

“... I guess that would explain his strange behaviour?” Akito offers, even though he looks a bit hesitant, since they all behave pretty weird after that moment in the bookshop. Ami keeps looking at Keito with wide eyes, while Haruka is almost constantly frowning and Keito just stares ahead of himself in shock.

“It would.” Haruka agrees reluctantly. “I wouldn't want to be seen with a guy if I was an idol.”

“But how could it possibly be him?” Keito finally blurts out, and they all turn to look at him because it's pretty much the first thing he says since Ami showed him the picture. “If he's huge and famous and all, why don't I know his face to begin with? And why would he go home with someone like _me_?”

Ami shrugs a little. “I guess we're pretty certain that it is him, though. You'll have to ask him.”

“I can't believe it.” Keito mutters.

It has to be him, there's no discussion. But Keito still can't _believe_ it. It would explain Yamada's behaviour, Akito's right about that. His weird looking around and tensing when Keito touched him even innocently in public, how he works really late and doesn't want to go out. Even the things he said that Keito couldn't make sense of, like... those comments about his looks and all this weird thanking him could probably be explained like this too. And his brand clothes. But _why_ would he want to see someone like Keito if he's an _idol_? He could probably have anyone he wanted.

He looks at the magazine again, letting his gaze wander over the other members of the group, and his eyes widen in surprise as he recognizes a face and he points at a short, dark-haired man in mint green pants. “This guy.”

“... Yeah?” Ami asks, leaning in to look. “I think that's Chinen.”

“Right.” Keito agrees, because that sounds very familiar, but suddenly he knows where he's seen him. “I saw him on TV the other day and thought he looked familiar and couldn't remember where I'd seen him before, but he was at the club. He kept looking at me like... I don't know, it didn't feel very nice.”

“... Keito I... Damn, I don't even know what to say. Well done.” Haruka finally says. “First you get dumped by this soccer dude who was barely a 6 anyway, then you go a year without and then suddenly snare an _idol_ who's like... an 11. Tell me your secrets.”

“Would if I knew?” Keito sighs and absentmindedly turns a page in the magazine, looking at a spread where the boys are split in two groups, three to five, and seemingly pretends to sleep. He doesn't really get it, but they're pretty pictures.

“... So, are you still going to see him?” Akito asks, raising an eyebrow as he sips his latte.

“Yeah, I...” Honestly, Keito didn't even think about the other option. “I mean, I still like him? I guess it changes some things, but not what I already knew about him?”

“Keito.” Ami says, and when he looks up at her she smiles. “I think you just answered why he wants to keep seeing you.”

 

~*~

 

The following days, Keito does his homework. The group is called Hey! Say! JUMP, which he recognizes from that Chinen guy's name tag, but he doesn't get the name at all. So he looks it up and rolls his eyes at the explanation. Johnny's Ultra Music Power, like, really, do they even know what that means? But he supposes fangirls eat that shit up. He doesn't know the names of all members, but he's learning to recognize a couple of them, and the more he looks at them, the more certain he is that he's also seen Takaki at the club. He listens to a few songs, but he mainly looks at the music videos, and now that he's seen Yamada in motion, there's not even a hint of a doubt left in him.

He reads up on Yamada's profile too, about his dramas and solo single and hell real cinema movies, but it feels a little... strange to read about his favourite foods and ideal girl type and what he does in his spare time, kind of like facebook-stalking someone too much. And so Keito doesn't read more about him, because even if this information is obviously public, he doesn't want to suddenly know things about Yamada that he hasn't talked about himself. It's just weird. Besides, at least half of all that has to be made up.

He's been debating with himself whether to tell Yamada straight away that he knows or not, but it doesn't feel like a good thing to say over the phone, so he's still torn about it when Yamada gets in touch.

Yamada calls him around nine thirty the following Tuesday night, and he sounds tired and stressed and Keito knows immediately that now isn't a good time to talk about that.

“Are you free this Thursday?” Yamada asks, and he sighs like he's annoyed with himself. “I'm sorry, I know it's like, really short notice and I understand if you have plans but I... There's... This thing was cancelled and I-”

Keito cuts him off because it feels like the best thing to do. “Yeah, I'm free. Did you have something in mind?”

Yamada sighs, but this time it sounds like relief. “... Do you wanna go out and eat? I could probably make it in time for dinner?”

Keito's honestly surprised that Yamada wants to go out, since now he knows the reason for his unwillingness to do so earlier, but he's positively surprised. “Okay. Yeah.”

“Do you know somewhere good? Your area is fine.” Yamada says, and Keito immediately scans through the decent places around his house in his head, suddenly really uncertain if Yamada expects something fancy.

“Uhm... I... There's an izakaya I like not so far from my place, if that's good enough?” He finally says, because that's the only thing he can think of.

“Sounds perfect.” Yamada agrees, and Keito releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. “Mail me the address, okay? Is around seven a good time?”

Keito says that it is, and Yamada tells him great and that he has to go.

When he's hung up, Keito just looks at the phone in his hand for a moment, feeling torn between being happy to see him again, and terrified that he will somehow fuck this up.

He's been wanting to mail Yamada like five times a day since their date, and he was thinking about doing it, until that magazine came along. Now he's certain he'll bother Yamada if he gets in touch about nothings in his normal boring life, and so he hasn't, even though it kind of sucks. Which clues him into that maybe he's fallen a little too hard already, especially now that Yamada's not just an unusually pretty guy.

He can't help but wonder if him knowing about Yamada's fame will make Yamada stop seeing him, if it will be like 'that was fun but no thanks', because he's not sure he can handle that. He doesn't really want to talk to his friends about it either, because he's pretty certain they won't understand this the way he wants someone too. It's like a mixture of feeling in love and feeling rejected, with a good portion of inferiority complex, pending between them like a roller-coaster and it's tiring. He wonders if Yamada thinks about him this much. Or at all.

 

~*~

 

He's taken on an annoying habit of humming those catchy idol songs, which random people starts pointing out to him. A girl he's never spoken to in his class stops to look at him as she walks past him, tilting her head and asking what he's singing. Another girl plainly asks if he has a girlfriend or sister who likes idol groups and if she can meet her in that case, and Keito's so stunned he doesn't even manage a reply.

He doesn't really notice he's been doing it until suddenly Akito hums them too, and Ami rolls her eyes, sounding a little annoyed. “Don't let idol-boy hear you doing that, you'll be busted in a second.”

“They're really catchy!” Keito complains, rubbing his forehead and trying to get those cheesy lyrics out of his head. He honestly doesn't even know what the song is called, only remembers the melody and like three lines, and that makes it as annoying as having a commercial jingle stuck in his head.

“Are you going to tell him that you know?” Akito asks when they're heading for the vending machine just the two of them during break. “I know the girls bug you a lot about this dude, but honestly, I think they're a bit jealous.”

Keito actually stops and turns to look at Akito, who stops too and looks back at him with an eyebrow raised in question.

“... Jealous?” Keito repeats.

“Yeah, you know. I hear that's a really pretty guy you've found, and he's a celebrity and he's rich and he seems nice so I figured maybe they're a little jealous?” Akito shrugs, looking like he's second-guessing himself now. “Or, just forget that, are you gonna tell him? I won't judge you if you don't want to.”

Keito reaches out to squeeze Akito's shoulder once before he keeps on walking, because he has been feeling a little of a cold vibe from the girls at random points these last few days and it's made him a little uncomfortable to talk about Yamada with them all. “I think I'll tell him. I have a feeling... If I were an idol I'd probably not want to hang out with someone who secretly knew who I was but didn't let me know.”

Akito shrugs with an expression like 'you've got a point', then starts digging out change from his pocket. “You're such a good guy, aren't you? No wonder those girls hearing you sing gay songs flirt with you.”

Keito frowns, because getting compliments from Akito feels awkward, and he hasn't noticed anyone flirting with him. “What?”

Akito glances at him with a grin, but then sees Keito's expression and raises his eyebrows. “What, for real? Nevermind then. Guess all you're thinking about is your pretty boy.”

Keito slaps the back of his head, but he can't say Akito's all wrong.

The entire Thursday he's a nervous wreck again, to the point where he considers skipping his final class in favour of going home to do absolutely nothing besides worry. He doesn't, but he's not sure his notes from that final class is going to help him when it's time to study for exams.

Luckily, he doesn't have that much free time between getting home and needing to leave again, barely an hour and a half, and so he showers and then spends a good while trying to find a combination of clothes that look somewhat date-worthy, but he only really owns four kinds of outfits.

In the end, he doesn't have time to work himself into a frenzy until he's already standing on the street outside the restaurant with his hands in his pockets, holding tightly onto his phone in case there's a message.

It's starting to get dark, but Keito sees Yamada even when he's 50 metres away and only visible behind other people for a second at a time. He wears a hat and a big scarf, and that fancy coat from the first time, a bag over his shoulder and he's focused on the phone in his hand.

He doesn't look up until he's almost there, and the smile he gives when he spots Keito makes him feel warm and grin back stupidly.

“Hi.” Yamada says when they're close enough to be heard, stopping just before Keito and looks up at him while tugging earphones from his ears. “Am I late?”

“No.” Keito says without even looking at the time. “Or I mean, I haven't been waiting very long?”

“Good.” Yamada smiles, then glances towards the entrance. “I'm starving, should we go inside?”

“Sure.” Keito agrees, following Yamada towards the door. “Are you always starving?”

Yamada laughs, but he sounds a little uneasy, and Keito regrets saying something. “Nah, I don't always remember to eat is all.”

When they're asked if they're smoking, Keito says no before he even asks Yamada, then sheepishly turns to him with a questioning look, but he just smiles and says that he doesn't either.

“Sorry, I don't really like smoking so I just assume things.” Keito admits when they're seated in a corner and he shrugs off his jacket.

“No worries, I've only tried it and I can't say it's something for me.” Yamada says, unwrapping his scarf. “I think it looks kind of hot though, when people smoke.”

Keito raises an eyebrow at him. “What, really?”

“Yeah it's... Something about that casual cool look, I don't know.” Yamada explains, but his smile is a little embarrassed, and he starts tapping at the ordering screen instead. “What do you want?”

They end up ordering what feels like everything, and Keito's getting a little worried about the check, but it's delicious and he's having fun. He decides to worry about his account balances later when they're discussing which drink out of two is the tastiest and Yamada suggests that they order both and just share.

They sit for nearly two hours, talking about random things, but still Keito can't seem to bring the whole idol thing up even though there are definitely opportunities, because he feels like that will ruin Yamada's mood. He's positively sparkling tonight, and Keito's not sure whether it's because he's crushing really hard or if that's just how Yamada is when he's happy about life. He doesn't seem stressed or tired tonight, and Keito feels a little relieved at that, that Yamada doesn't force himself to meet Keito when he doesn't really have the time.

When they finally get up to leave, Yamada still halfway through a story about his friend's dog, Keito doesn't even have a chance at trying to pay, because Yamada already has his wallet out and doesn't really pause in his talking to let Keito take that discussion. It's not a small amount, and Keito feels a little guilty, no matter that he knows Yamada can probably afford it.

“I can pay my share you know?” Keito says when they're heading down the stairs towards the street.

Yamada looks at him like he can't believe he heard right, then laughs softly. “... Oh! No, no there's no need, sorry, I'm just really used to paying when I'm out with someone. Don't worry about it.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Keito says, because that did save him a lot of money, and Yamada looks even more surprised, so Keito frowns. “Don't they even thank you for paying?”

“... My friends don't, no.” Yamada says, looking like he's never even thought about it. “Most of them at least ask nicely but a few just go 'I'm hungry, buy me food'.”

He laughs a little like that doesn't bother him, but Keito thinks that sounds like poor manners, so he doesn't comment further.

They're outside now, standing awkwardly on the street without knowing where they're heading, but Keito doesn't want to call it a night yet.

“Uhm...” Keito starts, then clears his throat. “Do you wanna go somewhere else or...?”

“Hmm.” Yamada hums like he's thinking, and Keito almost jumps when fingers brush his so briefly it could be just accidental. “If you don't mind, I'd like to go to your place.”

Keito instantly blushes because he didn't think that was an option, but he has to clarify that before he works himself up too much. “... That sounds like you have ulterior motives.”

Yamada laughs quietly, but then looks at Keito with a look so promising Keito's blood heats up instantly. “Is it okay if I have?”

It's definitely okay with Keito, since he's maybe thought a little about Yamada like that lately, especially after seeing suggestive pictures and videos. Just a little. Maybe remembered that thing about his strong thighs.

“Yeah, it is.” He agrees, and Yamada smiles.

They walk to Keito's apartment, since again, it's not far, and the thought strikes Keito that maybe Yamada had this in mind the whole time. Yamada turns his head whenever they pass someone who looks at them more than a quick glance, and this time Keito doesn't consider it weird, even makes sure to talk when they pass specifically younger girls so Yamada's attention is naturally on him.

He starts thinking that maybe it's a bad idea to sleep with Yamada again before talking about the idol business, but at the same time, a very selfish and very hormonal part of him doesn't want to ruin his chances of getting laid.

He doesn't really get a chance at talking even if he'd wanted to anyway, because the second the door is closed behind them, Yamada's pressed Keito against it and kisses him like the world's about to end, and all Keito's concerns go straight out the window along with his judgement.

He relaxes completely into the kiss, at the kind of familiar feel of Yamada's lips against his own, and he tastes like teriyaki chicken and peach drinks and Keito feels like all of his nerves just short-circuited and went from nervous to anticipating.

He's not entirely aware of how he gets out of his outerwear and shoes, a little overwhelmed by Yamada's kiss and hands on him like he's making up for last time, but he definitely doesn't mind as he's suddenly pushed onto his own bed with Yamada crawling into his lap.

“Oh god did you read my mind?” Keito breaks the kiss to ask when Yamada straddles his lap like it's the most comfortable place in the world, and he barely recognizes his own voice with how rough it suddenly is.

“You want it like this?” Yamada asks, voice low as he rolls his hips pointedly once and Keito grabs his thighs without even knowing what he's doing. Yamada flashes those perfect teeth in a knowing smile at Keito's reaction. “I guess so.”

Keito eases his grip on Yamada's thighs, enough so that it's just his palms against dark jeans, and he runs his hands slowly up to his hips.

“I might have noticed your thighs and thought that you could do this easily.” He admits, and it's a credit to the several drinks from dinner that it just slips out of him without passing the filter of his brain first.

Yamada seems to like hearing that though, his eyes dark as he meets Keito's again before simply reaching for the hem of Keito's v-neck T-shirt and pulling it over his head, and Keito hurries to do the same to him, figuring the talking part is over for a little while. He's not a very good talker in bed anyway, it just feels awkward whatever he says.

It doesn't take long before they're both naked, and Keito makes it until Yamada's hand wraps around him before he gives up and reaches into his drawer for the necessities, and he catches Yamada's pleased smile out of the corner of his eye.

When he slaps Yamada's hand away to make sure he can focus, Yamada simply wraps his arms loosely around Keito's neck. His eyes fall closed when Keito touches his rim, and he looks so fucking good up this close that Keito's question if he wants to lie down for this dies on his tongue. He can see every single thing Yamada's feeling on his face, the tiny frown of discomfort as the first finger goes in, that fades into a slack expression when he adjusts to the feeling. Keito wonders if he's done this a lot, but he's not sure he wants to know. Instead he settles on feeling damn smug that he gets to have this beautiful creature in his lap and touch him this intimately, but when he hits right with his two fingers and Yamada's lips part on a sigh of pleasure as his eyes slowly open, Keito stops thinking entirely.

Yamada keeps watching him then, their faces less than two decimetres apart, and it's the most erotic thing Keito's ever seen to watch the pleasure in his eyes as it comes in waves, and if his own exponentially increasing impatience makes him get a little rougher than maybe he should, Yamada seems to like that even more.

When there's a third finger, Yamada's eyelashes starts to flutter and he can't seem to keep looking at Keito anymore, his breathing a little heavier, and with what has to be a flawless hit to his prostate, he moans and his head falls forward onto Keito's shoulder. He's breathing right against Keito's neck and he's so deliciously tight around Keito's fingers that Keito's pretty sure he's going to crawl out of his own skin if he can't have him _right now._

“Okay?” He asks after another minute, because Yamada is pretty caught up in moaning softly against Keito's skin and he seems pleased enough that Keito's not sure he's going to say stop anytime soon.

“Yeah.” Yamada agrees, and Keito can feel his smile against his throat before he pulls back to sit up properly as Keito's fingers slip out of him.

Keito wipes his fingers on the sheets because he has to wash them anyway, then fumbles awkwardly with the condom for a moment before rolling it on and moaning a little despite himself. He doesn't even realize he'd closed his eyes before another hand joins his around his cock and his eyes snap open in time to watch Yamada's facial expression as he starts sinking down onto Keito's erection.

His brow is furrowed in concentration, but Keito can't focus on it entirely, the tightness surrounding his erection too good to be overshadowed by anything else, and Keito twists a hand in the sticky sheets to keep himself still even though his hips want nothing but to move.

Yamada bottoms out with a deep breath, staying still as he looks at Keito, and he tightens automatically around him, making Keito bite his lip on a groan, clutching the sheet harder with one hand as his other find Yamada's thigh like through magnetic attraction.

Yamada gives a small smile at the gesture, then braces himself with his hands on Keito's shoulders and starts rolling his hips slowly, and Keito's entirely lost. He's even better than Keito's expected, finding a rhythm that works quickly, and if Keito didn't already know by now that Yamada's a dancer, he'd have figured it out now.

His thighs work effortlessly to raise himself up and come back down, and even though the pace isn't very fast, it's deep enough that Keito's head is spinning and his hips flex up to meet Yamada's movement without his active consent. This is mostly for show anyway, Keito can tell from how Yamada keeps looking at him while rolling his hips in a way that is worthy of a burlesque dancer, and it works, Keito's hand on Yamada's thigh unconsciously tightening the longer it goes. Yamada smiles again, and Keito's starting to think he's going to have to ask for it when Yamada finally speeds up enough to get them somewhere.

The rest is a blur of warm skin and heated pleasure and loud breaths, and it's not too long before Keito lets his hand run from Yamada's thigh up his hip and to his leaking erection that keeps brushing Keito's stomach and driving him crazy. Yamada moans outright when Keito starts stroking him, muscles tightening and his rhythm falters as he throws his head back and his nails dig into Keito's shoulders.

Keito makes up for the lack of rhythm by thrusting up harder to meet Yamada's uncoordinated movements, and he can tell Yamada's coming a split second before he actually does, squeezing his eyes shut and lips silently falling open as he spurts white over Keito's hand and his own stomach. He's so beautiful Keito can't even force his hips to stay still because he's _so_ close, and Yamada's just letting out a small overstimulated whine when Keito comes too, hard enough to suddenly blink his eyes open and realize both his arms are around Yamada's waist and his head is resting against his chest.

He looks up at Yamada's face, about to apologize, but Yamada's still calming down his breathing and doesn't seem very uncomfortable at all.

Keito reluctantly releases Yamada from his embrace because he feels Yamada's thighs shaking, and helps him ease off of Keito's lap to lie down properly.

Yamada lets out a pleased sigh as he stretches his legs, and Keito feels a little guilty as he hurries to get rid of the condom and fetch the wash cloth.

“That was like one of my toughest workouts, but worth it.” Yamada sighs as Keito gently cleans him up and then proceeds to carefully rub his thighs.

“You... Totally worth it.” Keito says, but he doesn't even know what he's babbling about yet, still a little orgasm-fuzz left in his head. It's not like he did any of the work.

Yamada just laughs softly at him, but doesn't comment. He seems like he wants to get up though, and Keito thinks that if he leaves without Keito telling him, he's pretty sure things aren't going to turn out well next time they meet.

“Hey.” He says, and Yamada looks up at the sudden tension in Keito's voice. “Can I ask you something?”

Yamada frowns, but he doesn't look like he has the energy to be suspicious right now. “Sure?”

Keito breathes a sigh, collecting power, but forces himself to look at Yamada when he speaks. “... You're an idol, aren't you?”

For two long seconds, Yamada doesn't look like he understands the question, and Keito's wondering if maybe he's got this entirely wrong after all.

Then, Yamada's expression turns into a frown that looks almost angry, and he breaks eye contact in favour of staring at the ceiling. “Have you known all along?”

“No I... realized this weekend.” Keito says, feeling almost burnt by Yamada's cold tone and he instantly regrets bringing this up now.

“Oh. Okay. It was just a matter of time anyway.” Yamada says, and his tone is so expressionless that Keito doesn't know what to do. Then Yamada sits up and starts reaching for his clothes, pointedly not looking at Keito. “No one blames you I guess, everyone wants to bang a celebrity.”

“... What?” Keito asks, because this is not a reaction he'd even considered.

“Yeah, it's not the first time.” Yamada says while pulling on underwear and jeans, voice still so casually cold that Keito wants to grab him and shake him. “I'll just go, now you've got something to tell your friends.”

“Hey!” Keito exclaims, because he's not having any of this, and reaches out to grab Yamada's wrist that's stretching for his shirt. “Don't talk that way about yourself!”

Yamada turns to look at him at the grip on his wrist, but his blank expression falters a little with confusion when Keito opened his mouth to reprimand him.

Keito feels a little confused too, because among all of the reactions he'd considered, this self-objectification was not on his list and it's disturbing, and so mostly he's upset.

“Look, I had no idea you were something else than a really pretty guy until this weekend, and I don't know what you think of me but at least give yourself a little more value than that.” He tells Yamada so fiercely that Yamada completely drops his façade of defence and looks confused and hurt and Keito honestly just wants to hug him but he doesn't dare.

“I... I don't think I understand.” Yamada finally says, and Keito breathes a sigh of relief that he's at least listening now.

He reaches out for his own pyjamas pants which are stuffed under his pillow because it feels awkward sitting there talking about feelings naked, but then decides to hurry speaking his mind in case Yamada changes his own.

“You're probably the prettiest guy I've ever seen in real life, and that's the reason I asked you to dance with me at that club.” He starts, and he knows he's probably talking a little too fast but he can't stop himself. “And then you came here and fell asleep and I think I fell for you, a little, and then now, this weekend, I saw your picture in a magazine. And I've spent all week until now trying to convince myself that there is just someone who looks exactly like you with your name, because if you're an idol, you wouldn't want anything to do with me. And... that's a shame. Really. Because I kind of like you, even though I don't really know you or... anything.”

When Keito stops talking, he has to catch his breath, and he's blushing awkwardly. Yamada just stares at him like he can't believe what he's hearing, and Keito looks away, feeling like a ridiculous school girl because that was a really bad explanation, or confession, or whatever it was.

“I... I'm sorry I...” Yamada starts, then cuts himself off with a sigh like he has no idea what to say, and when Keito looks back at him, he looks miserable. “You probably think I'm a douchebag who didn't tell you, and you probably think I've been acting really creepy and stuff, but... I... This has never happened to me before.”

His last line sounds almost a little desperate, and Keito wants to reassure but has no idea how to.

“What hasn't?” He asks instead, heart pounding nervously in his chest.

“... That someone says they liked me before knowing who I am.” Yamada says quietly, and it takes a moment for that to sink in with Keito. “Because... I kind of like you too, in a way, you're sweet and I feel comfortable and I just wanted to keep that, and now it's all ruined.”

“... I understand.” Keito says, but his voice is weak because he doesn't want to understand. “I guess someone like you can't see someone like me, I mean, I have this normal boring student life and you know the most important things about me already but I know nothing about you and... I guess that's how it has to be.”

“But I like that you're normal.” Yamada blurts out, then frowns at his choice of words. “I mean... I like that you have a normal life with normal worries like school and friends, I don't even have time to study properly for university entrance exams, and I... I feel a little more normal when I'm with you? Am I making sense?”

He looks worried, like he said something incredibly stupid, but Keito just gapes at him, because he wasn't prepared to hear something like this, and it makes his heart twist uncomfortably.

“I... I understand if you can't.” He says after a moment of collecting his courage. “But I'd like to keep seeing you.”

Yamada bites his lip and looks away for a moment, like he's actually thinking about it, and Keito curses the flame of hope igniting in his chest because he's going to be devastated when it's crushed.

Yamada sighs and turns back to Keito, almost pain in his eyes. “I can't promise you anything though. And I'm... I work all the time, I can't go out in public, I can never _be_ public with something like this, I'm out of town for months in a row and I'm often so tired when I come home I can't even think.”

Keito listens silently, and as he finally realizes what this ramble of negatives means, he just stares at Yamada. “... Does... Does that mean we could... Try?”

“I'm not a good person to date.” Yamada warns, looking like he expects Keito to back out of this any second.

“... Are you for real?” Keito asks, completely ignoring Yamada's comment, things he's been thinking just tumbling out of his mouth. “Why would you want to go out with someone like me? You were way out of my league even before it turned out you were an idol, can't you have anyone?”

Yamada frowns like that thought bothers him. “But you're handsome, and sweet. Like... really sweet. You shouldn't paint me up as perfect, I'm not.”

Keito opens his mouth to argue both those statements, but decides there are more important things to say. “... Can I keep seeing you then?”

Yamada's silent for a moment, but then he slowly nods. “If you still want to.”

Keito can't help the stupid grin that sneaks onto his face, and Yamada smiles back, if only a little hesitant, and Keito thinks that he'll handle whatever idol shit Yamada throws at him for this.

“I... This is probably really awkward now, but I have to get home tonight.” Yamada says after a moment, and Keito wants to protest, but just nods and lets go of Yamada's wrist that he's still holding.

He watches as Yamada finds his shirt and stands up, heading for the bathroom to make himself presentable, and Keito stares at the closed door without even seeing it, unable to really believe what just happened to him.

When Yamada's slipping into his coat, Keito standing before him wearing a T-shirt and pyjamas, he finally gathers enough courage to ask. “Can I mail you? Even if I have nothing to say really?”

Yamada looks up from zipping up his jacket, looking a little surprised, but then he smiles. “Yeah. If I can do the same.”

“Of course you can.” Keito frowns, because it's not like he has anything more exotic in his life that demands attention.

“Then I will.” Yamada smiles, and after he leans in to give Keito a brief kiss of goodbye before leaving, Keito still can't stop smiling.

 

~*~

 


	4. Chapter 4

His friends, of course, can tell as soon as he walks into class Friday morning, and Akito does a pretty good acting job in pretending Keito didn't mail him the second Yamada closed the door yesterday night. He had to tell someone, and Akito felt like the natural choice.

The girls are on him like vultures.

“You look like you got laid.”

“Did you tell him?”

Keito hushes them, glancing around nervously, and then shortly explains what happened, but leaves out the amazing sex even though they seem disturbingly curious about that too.

“... So you're actually dating him now?” Ami concludes after Keito's finished his messy and blushing story, and she looks almost disbelieving. “Keito, this is too good to be true, are you sure you're not making this up?”

“I'm with Ami here, I'm not entirely believing you.” Haruka agrees, hanging over Ami's shoulder, but she's smiling and he knows they're half kidding.

Keito shrugs with a smile, because honestly, he'd be this happy no matter if his crush was famous or not, and the feeling is all he cares about. “I can accept that.”

“I hope you're aware my little sister has a favourite in that group and that she'd kill for anything he's touched. _Kill_.” Ami warns, serious, and Akito rolls his eyes, muttering something about fangirls.

“Who?” Keito asks, because all he knows about Ami's sister is that she's crazy about some of the boys and that Ami complains about that. None of them have ever bothered to ask who or what groups because they wouldn't know them anyway.

“Arioka Daiki.” Ami says, and Keito knows that name, but he can't put a finger on which of the guys that is. “Just saying.”

Keito jokingly promises to do his best for Ami's sister, but genuinely he wonders if he's ever going to have anything to do with that group.

He's surprised when he's not the first one who mails. Around three that afternoon his phone announces a mail, and the sender ID tells him it's from Yamada, filling up the embarrassingly short mail history of an address and an okay.

_Hi._

Is all it says, and Keito hurries to reply with his own little greeting. Then the conversation keeps him distracted for the remaining afternoon class, from that Yamada asks what he's doing, if he's in school, and Keito complains about his boring lecturer. What really keeps him distracted though is that he's getting an insight in Yamada's life for the first time. Apparently he's waiting for some photoshoot and someone takes forever, and his outfit for the pictures doesn't entirely fit and someone else is bullying him about it.

It's interesting and still weirding Keito out in a way, to hear about something so different from his own life, a bit like reading a manga or watching a TV-show. He asks when he doesn't understand things Yamada says, and gets explanations like magazine names or industry terminology, and he feels entirely lost. It doesn't really matter though, because he's so busy being some kind of mix of happy, flattered and smug that he suddenly gets to hear these things.

Of course, Yamada doesn't answer all his mails immediately, and sometimes it takes a couple hours and Keito occasionally freaks out about that, but they have a continuous mail exchange over the night and weekend, until Yamada asks if he can call him that Sunday afternoon.

“Hey.” Keito answers as he takes the call, ridiculously enough feeling just as nervous talking on the phone as he's done the past few times.

“Hi.” Yamada replies, and Keito's chest does some uncomfortable thing at hearing his voice again. “I was going to call you sooner but the opportunity didn't come.”

“Oh.” Keito says before can stop the surprised sound. “Something you wanted to say?”

That makes him a little nervous, which is completely irrational, but it does.

“No, I... Just wanted to talk to you actually.” Yamada says, and he sounds a little embarrassed and Keito feels _really_ embarrassed. “It's difficult with mailing because of the constant interruptions.”

“Just talking is definitely fine.” Keito settles, the blush burning on his cheeks and he's just happy Yamada can't see him. “I kind of miss you.”

It just comes out, and he wants to sink through the ground and hang up because _please._

Yamada laughs softly, still sounding a little embarrassed. “I kind of miss you, too.”

Keito's heart swells so much at that sentence that he's afraid that maybe he'll stop breathing. “... Can I see you this week? Anything is fine.”

He asks, figuring he's already embarrassed himself to the point of no return, might as well do it thoroughly.

“Uhm... I...” Yamada starts, and Keito's beginning to recognize the apologetic tone he's using when he's certain something won't work. “I have a TV-filming tomorrow, and the rest of the week we're in Yokohama.”

“Yokohama?” Keito repeats, because he can't really think of anything they could be doing there for a week.

“Arena.” Yamada explains, sighing a little. “Our tour final is this weekend and it's four days so we'll be really busy preparing that and rehearsing and... yeah.”

“... Oh.” Keito says, the surreality of this whole thing hitting him like a slap in the face once again. Yokohama Arena. “You... You have concerts?”

“Yeah we... Yeah. Four days.” Yamada repeats, and he almost sounds a little nervous, then continues. “But the week after I should have a day off, there's just a lot of film promotion and we're releasing our new single so we'll have a lot of TV-stuff and-”

“I'd like to go.” Keito cuts him off, and then licks his lips nervously when Yamada stays silent. “If there's some way to get tickets still.”

“... You want to come to our concert?” Yamada repeats, like he's hearing something that doesn't make sense.

“Yeah I... I like music, and I'd like to see you perform. If that's okay, of course.” He hurries to add, suddenly uncertain if Yamada wants him to come. Then he remembers that Yokohama Arena can probably take at least 10 000 people and Yamada must be used to performing for a lot of different people and shouldn't care if Keito came or not.

“... There will be lots of squealing girls. And sparkly costumes.” Yamada says, like he's making sure Keito knows what he's getting himself into, and Keito can't help but laugh.

“I've seen a few of your music videos, I think I know what to expect.” He says.

“... Are you sure about that?” Yamada says, still sounding a little in disbelief.

“Sorry, but don't people usually want to see you perform or what is this about?” Keito can't help but ask since he can't wrap his head around Yamada's behaviour.

“I... Not just for the sake of it, no?” Yamada tries. “I don't... I... No. No one's asked like that before.”

He finally settles with, and Keito frowns.

“Anyway, you seem like a really good singer, I'd like to see that for real.” He says firmly, and Yamada sighs in what could be defeat.

“I won't be able to meet you afterwards though.” He warns.

“That's okay. I'll find someone to go with and I'll see you when you're free instead.” Keito settles, already knowing there's people he could go with, and it's not like he expected a backstage pass or something. “Where can I buy tickets?”

“Oh, no, I'll get you one, if you're sure you want to come.” Yamada assures, and Keito opens his mouth to protest, but Yamada keeps talking. “You and a friend, yes?”

“Two friends, I think, but we'll pay for us, of course.” Keito says, because he can definitely pay for himself.

“No, no, I'll fix it.” Yamada tells him, then seems to sense Keito's protest about to come. “It's not like it'll cost me anything, you don't have to pay.”

“... If you insist.” Keito decides to give in, even though it feels a little weird being offered something like that for free.

“I do.” Yamada says firmly, and Keito decides to drop it.

Yamada steers the conversation over to Keito from there, asking about his school and friends and all other kinds of things, and when Keito hangs up, they've spoken about basically nothing for almost three hours.

A couple hours later he gets a mail.

 

_I've got three tickets for Saturday, if you still want them._

 

He immediately replies that he definitely does and thank you so much, and Yamada's answer makes him feel a little weird, because he's kept thinking that Yamada already knows everything about him.

 

_There's nothing to thank for. I'll mail them to you, I have your address. But I'll need your last name?_

 

~*~

 

When he tells Ami she stares at him for a full minute and it's a little creepy.

“Are you sure you're not trying to flirt with my little sister instead?” She asks then, completely serious, and Haruka starts laughing so hard she almost spits her drink all over the table. “She's only sixteen you know.”

“I just thought it'd be nice to ask you since you said she liked them?” Keito explains, shrugging a little uncomfortably, because he'd thought that bringing Ami and her sister was a good idea.

“Yeah, it's... she'll maybe have a heart attack but she'll want to go no matter what plans she has.” Ami agrees, and Keito relaxes a little.

“You'll come too, right?” He asks just to confirm. “It'd be really weird to just go with your sister.”

“Sure.” Ami shrugs. “If it's free I guess I can spend my Saturday looking at you drooling over your crush.”

Keito frowns and starts protesting, but then Akito bursts out laughing and slaps Keito's head, calling him ridiculous.

“It's just... what do I tell her?” Ami asks, raising an eyebrow while picking with her food. “It's not like I can say he's your boyfriend so you got us free tickets?”

“No, that's probably a very bad idea.” Keito agrees, thinking about an alternative, but nothing feels good. “... Do you have to tell her anything?”

Ami shrugs, looking like she didn't even think about that. “Yeah I guess I can just tell her to shut up and be happy if she asks.”

Keito grins and shakes his head, because he'll never understand that bickering between siblings fully.

“I think she was planning to go buy goods anyway so this is just great.” Ami shrugs, then continues eating.

“How much are those tickets worth anyway?” Haruka asks, her mouth full of rice.

“I don't know.” Keito admits. “He just wouldn't let me buy them so I never got to hear.”

“More than you'd want to pay for them.” Ami mutters. “Depending on venue you can pay a good 50 000 yen for decent seats second hand. Trust me, I hear a lot of this involuntarily.”

Keito raises an eyebrow, because he did _not_ expect that. He doesn't even know what kind of seats they have, but figures it's nothing too fancy since it's so late. “Damn.”

“Girls pay for stupid things.” Haruka shakes her head, then starts talking about how her mother bought a new vacuum cleaner last week because it was red and pretty.

Keito can't really get over the price of the tickets, and even though he's sure Yamada can afford it, he promises himself to pay something for him soon. He's not entirely okay with this arrangement of Yamada paying for everything.

He mails with Yamada during the day, about normal things, but something about him seems a little off, his responses turning short and a little... almost bitchy, and Keito's quickly getting uncomfortable and wondering what the hell is going on.

He tries to write it off as Yamada being stressed, since when he replies an hour later he's normal again, but then starts slipping more and more the longer they mail, and he can't help but wonder if he's majorly screwed something up. He's debating with himself whether to ask or not, but then Yamada says he's got filming for a couple hours, and Keito tries to drop it.

Except that he can't, and this relationship or whatever it is is starting to get the best of his studying as he spends another afternoon lecture staring at powerpoint slides without seeing them.

Later that night, when Yamada mails him again, he seems completely back to normal, asking how Keito's day was and what he's having for dinner and other mundane things that he seems to be interested in, and even sends him a goodnight with a small heart emoji, making Keito's real heart pound embarrassingly hard as he sends one back. It's definitely enough to make Keito forget that uncomfortable what-if-I-did-something-wrong-feeling.

But it returns the next day. During the few times Yamada replies, he's got that same undertone that's not really pleasant to his writing. It'd be one thing if that was how he usually wrote, or if he seemed unfocused or anything, but none of those apply, and Keito's getting worried again. He's got the afternoon for home studies today, and as soon as he leaves school after morning classes he decides to confront this before he works himself into a nervous frenzy.

_Look, you don't have to mail me if you don't have time or so. I can wait._

He writes after waving goodbye to his friends, then stuffs his phone in his pocket and starts heading for the train station, anxiously waiting for a reply.

Maybe because he just expects a mail, he jumps when his phone starts vibrating in his hand, announcing a call. He quickly pulls his phone out and bites his lip as he sees Yamada's caller ID, then taps to accept the call with a slightly shaky hand.

“Hello?” He says, and he just hopes his nervousness doesn't shine through.

“I'm sorry.” Yamada says without preamble. “I shouldn't... I didn't mean to come off like that. Sorry.”

“... Oh. Okay.” Keito agrees, frowning because he doesn't understand, and he's pretty certain there's something bigger behind this. “Are you okay?”

“I... Sure. Yeah.” Yamada says, but even over the phone that's a pretty transparent lie.

“... You don't really seem okay, but if you don't want me asking about it, that's fine?” Keito tries, even though he wants to help as good as he can if there's anything wrong. “Are you very busy?”

“I'm...” Yamada heaves a sigh that's very audible. “I'm sorry, I said I'm not very good at this.”

Keito bites his lip again, that uncomfortable lump of worry quickly growing back into his stomach like a stone. “I don't think I understand.”

But Yamada's next words eases the heavy feeling, even though they don't make more sense. “... I want to see you.”

It sounds more like a wish than a request, but Keito is honestly prepared to go anywhere to see Yamada too.

“Then just tell me where and when.” He says sincerely, and he wonders if he's hopeless.

“Well, apparently there's something wrong with the set here so we're off for a few hours, so I can talk on the phone for a while?” Yamada sighs, but Keito stops walking and quickly runs train lines through his head. He wonders how long it takes to Yokohama from here.

“I can meet you somewhere, I just quit school?” He offers. “You're concert rehearsing, right?”

“Yes, so it'll have to wait I guess.” Yamada says, and he doesn't sound too happy about that, which just makes Keito more determined.

“How many hours did you have off?” He asks as he reaches the train station and stops to start digging for his travel pass.

“They said roughly three.” Yamada says, sounding a little suspicious. “You're not planning on coming here are you? It's not worth that.”

“Would you meet me if I did?” Keito asks, a little nervous that maybe Yamada really will reject this idea after all. But now that he's gotten the idea of seeing Yamada today into his head, he doesn't want to let it go.

“... I would. But I don't have that much time and it's not worth those travelling hours, you live in Tokyo, remember?” Yamada tries, but Keito already decided at the first two words he said.

“Worry about your own time.” Keito tells him, but he can't help smiling. “I'll be there, give me an hour or something.”

Yamada tries to protest some more, but Keito excuses himself with that he's getting on the train and needs to hang up, and in the end there's a small okay from Yamada which is good enough for Keito.

He takes the first train with a strange feeling of victory. He feels a bit like he's doing something romantic and he's never romantic, but the thought itself just sounds so stupid he almost blushes, and he can't really figure himself out right now.

The trip to Yokohama is long enough that he starts questioning himself, and after the train change he mails Akito to ask if he's crazy for doing this because he's second guessing himself too much.

… _That sounds a little crazy. But it's cute._

Is the reply he gets, and he's not sure if that makes him feel better or not. In the end, he just gives up on trying to understand his own feelings and thoughts and plays mindless games on his phone while trying not to look up at every single station that's announced in the speakers.

When it's finally time to get off, his heart is beating in his throat and he realizes that he has no idea where he's going or what he planned to do when he got here.

He sends Yamada a mail, asking where he should meet him, and luckily there are signs on the station guiding him to the right exit.

Yamada just tells him the front door, and Keito figures that he should manage that. He's been to Yokohama Arena before, but it's been a few years and he's not entirely certain of his orientation.

It proves simple, of course, as he reaches the huge concrete and glass construction that is the arena, and it's just a matter of finding the main entrance. He's ridiculously nervous about getting there though, both wanting to run to get there faster and turn and leave, which is absolutely stupid, but then he sees a person in a suit standing outside the main entrance, looking important with a pass card around his neck.

“Okamoto-san?” The man asks as he spots Keito, and Keito can only nod nervously, feeling like he's about to be charged with something.

“Welcome.” The man says, bowing a little in greeting before letting him in and gesturing towards the side before disappearing inside, towards what looks like open doors into the hall. “Please.”

Keito's heart makes a weird flop as he spots two figures half hidden away by a set of stairs in the grand hall.

One of them is Yamada, he can tell by the height and the blonde hair, but the other one he doesn't recognize, taller and brunette and seemingly smoking a cigarette.

They're busy with their conversation, and it takes second before Yamada notices him and abruptly stops talking in favour of a smile that washes away all Keito's worry from the last few days. Yep, he's definitely hopeless.

He raises his hand in greeting and starts walking towards them, almost unconsciously hurrying his steps.

“Aww that's a pretty smile.” The brunette grins, poking Yamada's cheek until Yamada shoves at him, but he's laughing and blushing and it's adorable. “I haven't seen that in a looong time.”

“Shut up.” Yamada tells him, then turns to Keito, who can't keep the grin off his own face either as he stops before the two. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Keito says back, and honestly, he could have come here just to say that to Yamada.

“Hi.” The brunette says too, and Keito tears his gaze from Yamada's warm eyes to look at him.

He's pretty, but in a more real way than Yamada is, fluffy hair and looking like he's up to no good, and Keito gets a weird feeling of talking to someone's hot boyfriend.

“I'm Yaotome Hikaru, nice to meet you.” He greets, and his smile is warm enough that Keito doesn't feel like this is awkward at all, even though he knows that's one of the Hey! Say! JUMP guys and Keito thought he needed to be mentally prepared for meeting any of them. It feels kind of like he's meeting someone from Yamada's family.

“Okamoto Keito.” He introduces himself properly while Hikaru continues working on his cigarette.

“Okamoto Keito.” Hikaru repeats, blowing out smoke thoughtfully, then smiles. “I'll remember that.”

“You don't have to.” Keito assures him, and Yamada turns away, looking like he's trying to hide a smile.

“I will.” Hikaru says like there's no room for arguing and stubs his cigarette on a small ashtray in his hand, giving Keito a feeling that you're not supposed to smoke in here. “You seem nice enough, so I'll go gossip with the boys about you now so you can be alone with Yama-chan.”

He's grinning and Yamada rolls his eyes, taking a step closer to Keito but watches as Hikaru heads for the door. “Don't talk too much.”

“I wouldn't.” Hikaru smiles as he grasps the door handle, then turns to look straight at Keito like it's a second thought. “Okamoto. Keep him smiling like that.”

With that, he turns and leaves in the same direction the staff member did, but the moment of silence is obvious after that kind of statement.

Yamada laughs, sounding a little embarrassed as he looks away. “Sorry, he's like a brother, he says that kind of thing.”

“He seems nice?” Keito offers, trying to fight down his blush. “I wasn't expecting to meet any of your group members, but he wasn't very intimidating?”

That makes Yamada look up with a stunned expression, just staring at Keito for a long moment that makes him think he said something weird. Then Yamada's face breaks into a genuine smile and Keito relaxes a little, even more when Yamada reaches out to grab his wrist gently. “Intimidating? That's probably the _last_ word I'd use to describe them.”

“Well I wouldn't know, I've only seen them on TV.” Keito mumbles, a little embarrassed, but he lets Yamada pull him along.

“Maybe. But still.” Yamada looks over his shoulder with a smile, and Keito glances curiously at the open doors to the hall, but Yamada guides him a couple steps up the ascending stair instead.

Yamada lets go of his wrist before sitting down on a step, so Keito hurries to follow and sit down next to him, not too close but not too far away.

He doesn't really know what to do, and so he looks at his surroundings, at the high ceiling and long space with entrance doors, and the smell is a mixture of concrete and plastic that makes him think of sports events.

He's so busy not looking at Yamada that he jumps when there's suddenly a weight on his shoulder, but he sees blonde hair out of the corner of his eye and instinctively reaches out to wrap an arm around Yamada.

“... How are you doing?” He asks, because he's honestly a little worried, and the long sigh Yamada lets out as response doesn't do anything to calm him down.

“A little stressed. As usual.” He says, sounding resigned, and Keito hugs him tighter almost unconsciously. “It's nothing strange though, I can normally handle that.”

“... But?” Keito asks, hearing the unspoken word loud and clear.

“... But I guess you freak me out a little and it's tiring.” Yamada says, and the only reason Keito doesn't immediately pull away to start apologizing is that his tone is soft and it sounds like he's smiling. Besides, he's so stunned he's not sure he understood right.

“ _I_ freak _you_ out?” He repeats, incredulous, because that sounds so _unreasonable_. It's not like there's anything about Keito that could possibly freak anyone out; his friends even mock him about being too nice and easy-going.

“A little.” Yamada confirms, and as Keito turns his head to try and look at him, he sits up properly and Keito gets a good look at his face for the first time today.

He looks nervous, and Keito notices the dark rings under his eyes with a twinge of guilt for bringing anything negative to Yamada's busy life.

“... Why?” He finally asks, because that's the only question circulating in his head, and Yamada's small smile looks uncomfortable.

“Uhm...” He starts, then bites his lip for a second as he seems to think, pointedly not looking at Keito. “I guess I'm a little worried about this whole thing with us.”

Keito's heart freezes and he doesn't get a single word out, but Yamada seems to realize what he said before Keito can panic completely, because he turns back to Keito quickly, his tone reassuring. “Not like that. I mean... I want to keep seeing you, it's just... I don't have much experience in doing something like this, and the last and only time I've ever had a real relationship it fucked everything up pretty bad but... You're so different, so basically I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm nervous.”

It takes Keito a few moments to sort the information enough to understand it, then he laughs, mostly as an outlet for his own nerves now that Yamada doesn't seem about to instantly break up with him. “Well, I've never done anything like this before. My last boyfriend was a butchy soccer dude and our biggest arguments circulated around me not being interested in going to his weekly soccer games.”

Yamada laughs softly, and Keito can feel the vibration in his arm that's still over Yamada's shoulders, but when he speaks his tone is serious. “I wish I could have problems like that too.”

“... Well, I do want to come to your shows?” Keito offers, but he's certain Yamada was talking about something else.

“Yeah, it's... It's a little that too, I think. That you're coming.” Yamada mumbles, but now he sounds mostly embarrassed. “Are you absolutely sure you know what you're going to see? Most guys aren't very into fanservice for girls.”

“I'm not entirely sure.” Keito admits. “But I won't judge you for anything if that's what you mean? It's your job, and you seem to love it? There's nothing you could do wrong then, is there?”

Yamada licks his lips nervously and looks at Keito seriously. “... Really?”

Keito can't keep from smiling. “I won't stop seeing you whatever you do on stage, if that's what you're asking.”

“... Yeah, it's ridiculous, right?” Yamada asks, but he's smiling a little. “I'm just... Like I told you, no one's asked if they could come before so I'm not sure how much I should prepare you.”

“It's okay. I'm going with my friend and her little sister who's a fan, so I'm sure I'll be introduced to this idol thing properly. Don't worry, I'll still want to see you no matter what.” Keito assures him again, wondering how he turned into the reassuring one.

“... She's a fan?” Yamada repeats, and even if he does look a little worried, he smiles. “Does she have a favourite member?”

“I think she has another group she likes better, but yeah, she is.” Keito has to admit, but Yamada doesn't seem bothered hearing that. “And I think it was Arioka Daiki?”

Yamada nods with a smile. “Dai-chan, huh? Nice.”

“... Speaking of your bandmates, I have to ask something.” Keito says, because Yamada seems to feel content with that comment. “Is it bad of me not to know who in your group is who, or would it be creepy if I did know?”

That has Yamada laughing for real, and he leans in closer to Keito. “Neither. You should probably remember Hikaru though, because he will remember you.”

“I can do that.” Keito agrees, relieved that Yamada seems to have gotten the worst moodiness off his chest now.

“Sorry about him, again. Hope he didn't scare you too much.” Yamada smiles, but he's slowly scooting closer and cuddling up against Keito's side like he's trying to fuse with his jacket.

“No, like I said, he seemed nice. Reminded me a little of like, a sister's hot boyfriend or something.” He shares his earlier thoughts, and Yamada laughs so hard Keito relocates his arm to around his waist instead.

“That. Is a great description. He'd be happy to hear that.” He smiles, and Keito immediately tries to make him promise not to tell anyone he said that.

They sit there in the stairs just talking until Yamada's phone chimes with a message that Keito shamelessly reads over his shoulder. The contact name is Chinen and the message consists of a single word, but he can tell the previous messages in the conversation window is definitely longer even though he doesn't have time to read them.

_Dancing!_

“Guess I have to go back now.” Yamada sighs, sliding his phone back into his pocket and disentangles himself enough to stand up.

“Yeah. I should probably go home and do my homework.” Keito says as he stands up and his body protests a little after sitting in the stairs for quite a while.

“... Thank you for coming.” Yamada says, looking up at Keito even more since he's standing one step below him. “You didn't have to, but I'm glad you did.”

“Me too.” Keito agrees, because he really is, it was totally worth it.

“After the concert... Let me know what you thought, okay?” Yamada asks, but he doesn't look nearly as nervous as earlier and Keito's chest seems to swell.

“Of course.” Keito smiles, and Yamada steps up to hug him properly.

Keito hugs back, hard, breathing in the scent of Yamada's bleached hair to remember it for later, but they part as Yamada's phone announces another message and Yamada rolls his eyes as he glances at it.

“Mail me.” He orders, and Keito barely has time to agree before Yamada's down the last steps of the stairs and hurries towards the arena doors.

He does send a glance over his shoulder with a small smile before he disappears inside, and Keito grins back stupidly where he stands in the middle of the stairs.

It takes him a minute to remember that his limbs can move, and he walks down the steps slowly, wondering when his next train home is.

He looks towards the open arena doors, and pauses for a moment, knowing that he should just go home. But he wants to see what it looks like, and so he takes a deep breath and starts walking towards the door, feeling like a criminal who's certainly not supposed to be here, and ends up stopping a metre from the open door, peeking inside.

It's huge, and he sees the stage and a shitload of lamps, and contemplates how the stage is a main part, then a centre part with walkways like a cross going out from it. He's never been to a concert like this before.

Someone inside the arena says something not too far away from him, and Keito jumps and turns to hurry for the exit. The second he pushes the unlock switch and opens the door, he considers that there might be an alarm on these, but nothing seems to happen as he steps out and lets the door close behind him.

He walks to the train feeling like he has too much energy somehow, like he could run all the way there without even feeling tired, and thinks that those 4 days until Saturday will be long.

 

~*~

 


	5. Chapter 5

The next time Keito steps off the train in Yokohama, he's about equal parts nervous and excited, surrounded by girls in puffy skirts and wearing so many concert goods they almost disappear. Some of them wear costumes that are obviously idol outfit recreations, and he's pretty sure he saw two girls wearing something similar to wedding dresses.

It's three hours before the concert starts, but apparently, this is what you do when you go to an idol show, Ami informed him. He's meeting up with her and her sister and he's not entirely sure where, but apparently they're already here so they'll find each other.

Keito's not entirely sure what he did when he met with Yamada spontaneously, but his mails have been nothing but positive since and it's great. Of course he whines a bit that he's tired, but there's none of that cold awkwardness left. He even mailed Keito this morning to say he'd look for him in the audience. Of course, the last days having been show days, they haven't interacted much, so that mail did a lot to calm Keito's nerves, even though he knows there's nothing to be worried about. He's just going to a concert.

“Hey blind man, we're here.” A voice suddenly calls, and he stops and looks around, spotting Ami and the girl that has to be her sister next to some bushes, obviously waiting for him.

He waves sheepishly, realizing he'd been too busy thinking to look for them.

“Hi.” He greets as he stops before them, and Ami nods while her sister looks excited. She's shorter than Ami, unsurprisingly, but their faces are very alike. Her sister has a lot longer hair than Ami's bob-cut though, and wears around a ton more make-up. But that's expected from a sixteen year old. She's also wearing one of those short puffy skirts, orange, with matching details and what looks like a college jacket.

“So this is Keito, our ticket-dealer.” Ami introduces, and her sister smiles brightly.

“Hi, I'm Nana! Thank you so, so much for bringing us, my friends who didn't get tickets are home crying today and they're sooo jealous!” She squeals, and Keito meets Ami's look that plainly says 'see what I deal with'. “How did you get tickets anyway, are you a fan? And _three_ tickets of all things?”

“Uhm...” Keito starts, a little unprepared for this flood of words, but Ami loudly asks if they shouldn't be queuing and saves him. At least he thought so, since Nana just exclaims that of course they should and starts walking, but stays next to Keito.

“There aren't many guy fans, and you don't really look like one if you don't mind me saying so.” She babbles on, and Keito looks down at his jeans and shirt, wondering if maybe he looks too normal. “So how did you get tickets?”

“I... I had a friend who couldn't go and asked if I wanted them.” He says, making up a lie on the spot that isn't too good but seemingly works well enough.

“So you are a fan?” Nana inquires, her grin lighting up almost scarily and glances from her sister back to Keito. “Why did you invite us? Are you two...?”

Ami laughs and cuts off her suggestive question. “Not really, Keito plays for the other team. Pretty sure you know that already.”

Nana's startled expression almost makes Keito wonder if Ami should have said that, but then she breaks into a grin.

“Really?! So do you have a favourite, who do think is the hottest?” She inquires, and Keito glances at Ami for help, but she pointedly looks everywhere else with an amused grin.

“I...” Keito wonders what he's even supposed to say here, so he goes with the obvious option. “I'm very new to this, but Yamada is really pretty?”

“He is, right?” Nana agrees enthusiastically. “I mean he's not my favourite but there's no denying he's astronomically hot. His confidence is so bad about his looks though, isn't that crazy?”

Keito is a little taken aback by her comments, and he's not sure how he feels hearing things about Yamada like this that he doesn't know of.

“Yeah that sounds crazy.” He agrees and tries not to frown.

“My favourite is Dai-chan, because he's so cute but completely nuts and really manly.” She goes on, and Keito can't help but smile at her tone.

“Oh quit your fangirling.” Ami rolls her eyes, suddenly aware of the conversation again it seems. “You'd bang him, we get it.”

“I totally would.” Nana agrees, and Keito raises an eyebrow because she's _sixteen_. “I'd marry him too.”

“... Wait is that why there are girls in wedding dresses?” Keito suddenly realizes, and Nana nods, looking around to see if there's anyone near.

“Yeah, they're a bit over the top, like, they won't share their favourite with _anyone_.” She makes a face, then smiles. “I wouldn't mind Daiki being with Yamada or Inoo though, they're really cute together.”

Keito has absolutely nothing to say to that, feeling almost traumatized, and he's starting to understand what Yamada meant about not being prepared.

“Not so sure Keito's interested in what you ship Nana-chan.” Ami tells her, and Keito's happy that she finally decides he's had enough.

“Everyone should ship what I ship.” She says proudly, then stops as they reach what appears to be a long line. “You don't have to stand in line with me if you don't want to. But I'll take your money for the penlights.”

“We might as well, not like we've got anything better to do.” Ami shrugs.

“Penlight?” Keito repeats, but he takes a good look at where the line seems to reach its goal, and realizes that this is for goods. The line seems never ending.

“You really are new.” Nana says, almost looking pitying. “But I'm not letting either of you in without a penlight. You need them at the concert.”

Keito spends the next hour and fifteen minutes learning more about idols than he'd ever thought he'd know, and he thought he'd done his research at least somewhat decently. He learns about previous tours, about special songs he should recognize and even gets a quick tutorial on what goods to use how and where. He's also scolded he hasn't listened to the new album, but Ami just laughs and tells her sister to give up the elitism already. She switches subject then and starts talking about another group, her favourite one, who are called Sexy Zone and Keito recognizes the name vaguely. Apparently they have some trouble deciding whether they're three or five members, and that's a bad thing because they should be five, and Kikuchi Fuma is the best man to ever exist.

Keito is too polite not to listen to her even though Ami mostly plays with her phone and sighs, but he's a little interested too, curious to hear about what this world is to its fans. Intense, is the best word he can describe it with, and when they're finally approaching the room for goods, he's mentally pretty tired.

Keito and Ami step back when they actually get there, letting Nana run loose among the things and just obediently holds whatever she returns with while she buys another thing, and tries not to be in the way.

“I told you she's a handful.” Ami sighs to him, holding a small pile of what's apparently pamphlets for Nana's friends. “Hope she didn't make your ears bleed.”

“I'm fine, thanks.” Keito tells her, vaguely wondering what he's even holding. “It's a little interesting too.”

Ami laughs and shakes her head slowly. “You are way too nice for your own good.”

Keito is about to retort that he's not suffering from it yet, but Nana returns and drags them out of the way to pack their things properly.

It looks like she's bought everything there was to buy, if Keito is one to judge, but apparently she only bought “a couple of things” because her budget is running low, and “a few things” for her friends. Keito and Ami watches her stuff all the “things” into the matching bag she bought, and is finally assigned a plastic wrapped penlight each. Keito eyes the thing through the clear plastic wrapping, a cube with letters on each side and what looks like a little explosion from a surprise party box on top.

“This is pretty cute.” Ami says, but she doesn't sound very impressed, just shrugs a little and then puts it in her purse.

“I know right?” Nana agrees, grinning widely as she finishes packing and stands up. “It's super pretty.”

“Yeah, sure.” Ami nods, smiling like she doesn't get it but it's whatever. “Should we go inside or what?”

“Yeah, let's! What seats do we have anyway?” Nana asks, and Keito hurries to reach into his bag for the little folder with tickets that he triple checked he had with him, and seizes the opportunity to put his penlight down too.

He's looked at the tickets, but the numbers didn't tell him much, so he hands them to Nana for her to see for herself, and her eyes widen as soon as she looks at them.

“Oh!” She exclaims. “These are _great_ , your friend was so lucky to get these!”

Keito shrugs awkwardly and exchanges a look with Ami, who just grins knowingly at him, but Nana is thankfully too busy figuring out the stage layout to follow up on that.

After standing in line to have their bags looked through and tickets controlled, they step inside, and this time the smell of plastic and concrete is mixed with various perfumes and hairsprays, and it makes Keito think of closeness and blonde hair rather than sports.

When Nana has guided them around, since both Keito and Ami were busy staring at people, and they step out into the arena, Keito realizes why their seats are great.

They're on the fourth row just before the ends of the cross-parts of the stage, and it can't be more than 10 metres away. Keito looks behind him and there are rows and rows of worse seats, and he vows to ask Yamada what the hell he did to get these tickets.

“These are the best seats I've ever had, wow.” Nana squeals, and Ami seems perfectly fine with having Keito in between herself and her sister. “I need to take a picture my girls are going to _die!_ ”

“They keep saying you can't take pictures?” Ami points out, giving her sister a sceptic gaze, but Nana just rolls her eyes.

“A sneak-shot before the show starts never hurt anyone.” She mutters, snapping a picture while she talks to mask the sound of the camera shutter.

Keito figures that's true, because he'd almost like to take a photo of the interior himself. The ceiling height is ridiculous, the arena is huge and the main stage decorations are so colourful. In the end, he does snap a picture, considers sending it to Yamada but figures this would be the worst place for anyone to see that contact information.

Nana distracts him anyway, asking if they want to see the pamphlet, and when they agree, Keito gets to hold it since he's in the middle. It's really pretty, the print on the first page shiny compared to the background, and after Nana strictly tells him not to “open it fully”, he turns page after page of colourful pictures of the members alone or sometimes the full group. The settings seem to be either blue overall with stars and stuff, or a fancy amusement park with a golden glowing carousel. The boys are all pretty in their own way, Keito has already figured that much, but it helps looking at them separately now, especially with their names next to them.

Nana fawns over Daiki's pictures so much that Ami groans and makes Keito turn the page, but Keito has to admit he is pretty cute. Yamada is just too pretty for anyone else to catch Keito's attention, casually showing off his collarbones and with gorgeous brown hair.

He still can't entirely wrap his head around that the man who mails him and asks what classes he had today and the man who's on a spread of crisp paper is the same one. But today he figures should help him connect the two.

Nana makes sure they unwrap their penlights but makes them keep the plastic, especially Ami's since she won't want hers later anyway so it could be worth money, but barely has time to finish telling her that before the lights start to dim.

The excited screaming in the darkened arena gets to Keito's adrenaline as well, and he watches the whole arena stand up and light penlights at the same time as he does it himself, and he can't deny it feels a little magical.

The concert is long and Keito only recognizes around a fourth of the songs, but that doesn't matter, since he's so busy with all the visual impacts.

Yamada is radiant and so gorgeous Keito has difficulties looking at anyone else even when there are other members right before him. The first outfits seem to be steampunk influenced with a sparkly idol twist, and Yamada wears what looks like a brown and red corset over a white shirt, and that looks so good.

It takes Keito three songs to realize the members are colour coded and that that's why Nana wears orange. They even have a song introducing all the members, which is great for beginners like himself and clearly also great for fangirls like Nana who alters between squealing and laughing.

He's amazed by all the choreography and that they're so synched, amazed by how many songs they have, marvelling at the costumes that seems to be everything from UV-lit to sparkly to casual.

He's so busy looking at Yamada on a screen at one point that he jumps when Nana grabs his arm and squeezes it like she can't control herself, and he looks down to see Daiki before them in orange check pattern. Nana has an uchiwa of Daiki's face, and when she waves it, he waves back in their direction and Keito's almost certain Nana burst out in tears, and he realizes how much this group means to the thousands of girls that are here.

There's also songs where they're split into smaller groups, one where half of them are dressed up in cute animal costumes and sings about being adopted, which the fangirls clearly swallow whole, but then Yamada has a solo song. And he's wearing an oversized white knit sweater that slips a little on his shoulder and tight black jeans with chains and Keito has no idea what to do with himself, feeling just as hopeless as the girls behind him that nearly scream their lungs out. It's a beautiful song, a ballad, and at one point he sings acapella and all the hairs on Keito's arms rise because he knew Yamada was good but not this good, _damn_.

Throughout the show, there's also some touching among the boys, and they're looking each other deep in the eyes or touch or pretend to kiss, and Keito's not entirely sure how he feels about that. The whole arena explodes every time it happens, so he can definitely see the purpose, but he can't deny the strange mix of jealousy and attraction whenever Yamada's one of the participants in such an exchange.

During the encore, they all run around the arena and Keito has troubles keeping track of the eight boys who he still hasn't learned all of even though their pants are color-coded, but then again, his focus is mostly on Yamada,

At one point, Yamada walks straight to the piece of stage that is right before them, and even though he's singing, Keito doesn't hear a word of it, too busy having so much feelings it's hard to breathe because Yamada is so gorgeous and perfect and nothing in the world could compare to him right now. Especially not when Yamada meets his eyes for a split-second, so quick that Keito almost thinks he imagined it, but the breathtaking smile Yamada gives confirms it. It makes the girls behind Keito, who are obviously Yamada fans, shriek so loud he fears for his eardrums, but he's so busy being in love that he doesn't care.

When they leave, Nana chatters on and on about everything that happened, especially about a song that was apparently new, and even though Keito doesn't recognize the song titles, he's talking nearly as much as she does, happy that someone else has as much feelings as he does.

Ami tries to contain her smile but she can't, and Keito knows he should stop gushing like a fangirl, but he almost feels drunk with how giddy he is and he can't exactly stop.

Maybe he lets a little too much of his feelings slip as he praises Yamada continuously, but Nana just grins and talks more about Daiki.

They're going opposite directions at the train station, but Nana promptly tells Keito she wants his Line contact info before she leaves, and Ami rolls her eyes. Keito gives it to her anyway, figuring it can't hurt.

The train back to town is packed and he's left standing, but he's not sure he could sit down anyway, high strung on concert adrenaline and a mushy feeling he's not sure he wants to identify. He listens to the girls around him talking, most of them as post-concert-excited as he feels, and he smiles when they talk about their favourite parts until he realizes he must look like a complete creep.

He doesn't look at his phone until he's leaving the train station at his stop, the night air fresh in his lungs as he starts walking home. There were too many people who could read over his shoulder at the train, he figured, even though he wanted to spam Yamada with emojis the second he left the arena.

There are three messages, one undoubtedly from Nana because it's a Line one and he doesn't recognize the user, but also a mail from Ami thanking for inviting them and good luck getting rid of her leech of a sister. The third one is from Yamada, and something happens to that mushy feeling when Keito reads it.

_What did you think?_

Is all it says, but it was sent probably around the time Keito was leaving the arena and babbling on about how pretty Yamada was with Nana. Keito wonders if that means Yamada's anxious to know or if he just had some time off as soon as he stepped off stage.

_It was awesome. Let me know next time you have concerts._

He writes back, adding a happy emoji to make sure to convey at least half of his feelings. He hesitates for a moment, then adds:

_I liked the white knit shirt._

He presses send before he can change his mind, supporting himself with the fact that he was hardly the only one in that arena liking that outfit.

There's no reply until he's already home and calmed down and about to go to bed.

_Yay!_ _♥_ _Also thanks, you're not the only one._

The message has Keito feeling equal parts ridiculously happy and strangely jealous, because _obviously_ others liked the outfit _._ Being wanted is Yamada's job after all, and it's not like Keito didn't use that argument a few minutes ago himself.

Still, Keito spends two minutes thinking through what he should reply to not sound neither possessive nor nonchalant, and ends up not commenting the clothing at all.

_Let me know when you have time. I'll let you rest now._

The replying message takes long enough that he starts worrying about what he wrote, but not long enough to work himself into another frenzy. When it does arrive, it calms him down considerably again.

_Thanks. I'll mail you tomorrow._

 

_~*~_

 

The next couple days, Keito doesn't hear much from Yamada, which is definitely explainable since he has another two full days of concerts. Instead, Nana has apparently taken it upon herself to be his idol teacher, because she writes to him with random facts and sends him pictures even when he tries to politely tell her he doesn't have time.

It's not that he dislikes her or her attempts at teaching him, it's just that he actually has school work to do. When he tells Ami about it, she facepalms while Haruka and Akito laugh and whistle about Keito liking younger girls now. It makes Ami slap them and yell about getting visuals she never wanted and they just laugh more while Keito tries to forget the images he got himself.

He doesn't pay too much attention to what Nana says anyway, because it's mostly about that Kikuchi Fuma, but when the subject turns into Daiki he listens a little, and when it's occasionally Yamada, he listens properly.

So when Keito's on the train home from self studies with his friends and he gets a message that he doesn't know how to read, he's actively participating in the conversation since the subject of discussion is a drama Yamada and Daiki did that sounds pretty good.

_Are you into shipping?_

It says, with Nana's usual hoard of emojis following it. Keito frowns at the screen, because he has an idea what that might be but he's not entirely sure, vaguely remembering something Nana said before the concert.

_Not entirely sure what that is?_

He replies, hoping that it's not what he thinks it is because that would be awkward. In so many ways.

_Like you think they'd be good as a couple. I'm completely convinced Yabu and Hikaru has or at least had a thing._

Keito hurries to hide his screen when the train stops and people brush by him, not wanting anyone to see that message. He wants to reply that no, he definitely isn't and it's actually a little creepy meddling in the affairs of people you've never met. At the same time, a shameful part of him is a little intrigued, wanting to know what these girls see and why they like it so much.

He's blushing a little in shame when he replies, resigning to being a creep for a little while.

_I don't know much about it, so I'm not sure._

His stop is the next, so he puts his phone back in his pocket and decides not to look at it until he's out of people's vision even though he feels it vibrate in his pocket twice.

He can't contain his interest for too long once he's closed the apartment door behind him, reading the messages while taking his outerwear off.

_You should check it out, most people are scared off because BL, but it should be your thing after all right?_

The first one says and Keito is not sure whether to be offended or not.

_Since you clearly like Yamada you should try Ariyama or Yamachine._

The next one says, and Keito blushes mostly because he's thinking about it. He can't do that it would be so... Creepy.

He pointedly sets his phone aside and decides he's not replying to that because maybe he's a little offended after all, and sets his mind on cleaning up and doing dishes and other adult stuff instead.

But after a couple of hours, he finds himself in front of his laptop with Nana's message open anyway, hesitating with his hands above the keyboard and can't help but think that name mash-ups are ridiculous.

After staring blankly at the blinking cursor in google for two full minutes he decides to just do it, he obviously won't let it go unless he tries.

Still, he sends off a mail to Akito because he needs someone to tell him he's not disgusting.

_Am I a horrible person if I want to google fanmade porn about the guy I'm dating?_

He writes, but he's already taken a deep breath and written Ariyama into google and pressed enter before the reply arrives.

_There's porn? AWESOME._

Keito rolls his eyes but he secretly knew Akito wouldn't judge him. Still, it feels good knowing he's not the only one who would do this.

There's a lot more than Keito would have ever expected, pictures and videos and speculations mainly, but then he stumbles onto a site that scans doujinshi and he feels like he's on the road straight to hell.

It's not very good, nor very believable, but still Keito reads, blushing or making faces or just straight out laughs because whoever drew this has clearly never touched a man, but in a way, it's still addictive.

Keito's just scrolling through an embarrassingly steamy shower scene when his phone goes off on the table and he jumps so violently he accidentally kicks a table leg, face warming up in shame as he sees the caller ID.

“Hello?” He picks up, trying not to sound like he was completely caught.

“Hi.” Yamada's voice sounds tired, but pleased, and it runs through Keito's body and warms him from the inside like no steamy porn scene could ever do. “Are you busy?”

“No.” Keito says a little too quickly, and he takes a quiet breath to calm his voice down and smile. “Just... procrastinating.”

“At half past ten? That's ambitious of you.”

Keito glances at the time displayed at the corner of his computer screen and makes a face when he sees it says 22:34, and the embarrassment comes out in his voice. “I didn't realize it was so late.”

Yamada laughs softly, and Keito can't help but grin stupidly at knowing he made Yamada laugh. “We finished our concerts today.”

“Right.” Keito agrees, like he'd just remembered and not counted down the days until Yamada would have time to speak with him again. “How did it go?”

“Great. No major mistakes or anything.” Yamada says, and Keito accepts that as Yamada having something else he wants to talk about. “I'll be off tomorrow. Are you free?”

Actually Keito has classes until 16, but his heart is fluttering embarrassingly at the idea of seeing Yamada tomorrow and he's pretty sure he'd skip an exam in favour of that right now. “I have some classes, but besides that, yeah.”

“Do you want to come over?” Yamada asks, and he sounds a little apprehensive, like he's not sure how Keito would react to that. In fact, Keito needs two seconds to process the question because he's so excited he needs to calm himself a little not to be completely embarrassing.

“Definitely.” He says decisively since he realizes he stayed quiet for a moment too long. “I have class until four though.”

“Really?” Yamada sounds honestly relieved and Keito is again wondering how someone would ever say no to that offer. “That's okay, you can come whenever you want. I'll probably sleep all morning anyway.”

“You deserve that.” Keito smiles, wondering how he's going to get through tomorrow without skipping classes.

“I think so.” Yamada agrees. “I'll mail you my address, okay?”

“Yeah, please do.” Keito still grins stupidly, feeling privileged to be allowed into Yamada's home because he'd gotten the feeling Yamada simply didn't take people home.

They talk for another few minutes about nothing really, but it feels good hearing Yamada's voice, and when they hang up, Keito determinedly closes the browser window with doujinshi because seriously, he doesn't need that.

 

~*~

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Keito's never had a rebellious personality. He always listened to what his parents told him, did his homework properly and felt bad about not doing things he knew he should even though it was only something small, like sorting his clean socks.

He probably has that to thank for managing through the full school day with no serious consideration of leaving early. Instead, he uses his date as a motivation to stay, telling himself it'll only feel better seeing Yamada if he knows he's done his duty in school first.

His friends chat happily about their weekend, Haruka having met some guy she can't get rid of now and they all come with enthusiastic suggestions on how to blow him off, and Akito _has_ to give a review on the soccer game from last night, and it all keeps Keito's mind off the coming evening.

But it feels a little like all the nervousness he should have felt during the day comes in a bulk the moment he sits down on the train instead. The feeling is probably uncalled for, again, but it _is_ the first time he goes to Yamada's place and what if he doesn't find the way or show up too early or something.

By now, he's figured that the only thing that really helps is to try and tell himself how ridiculous he is but still secretly keep worrying, and so that's what he does.

It's a really fancy building, Keito thinks as he looks up at it, but then again, he supposes Yamada can afford it. He takes the elevator to the right floor, and then navigates his way to the right door with his heart pounding in his ears. He's checked the time every other minute since he left the train, because he'd said 'around five' and it's only 16.48 and he can't help but think 'around five' should be even closer to five. But just lurking around in the corridor for twelve minutes seems really stupid, so he takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell before he can change his mind.

It takes a few really long moments before the door opens, and Keito can't help but smile as his nerves settle back at the sight of the shorter man.

Yamada looks like he just woke up, or at least didn't leave bed, his hair messy and he's wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt that is so worn it clings to his torso.

“Good morning.” Keito says, and Yamada raises an eyebrow but then lets him in with a small smile, and Keito has an urge to hug him that's so strong he's a little scared.

“I have been awake for a while.” Yamada claims, contradicting himself with a yawn as he waits for Keito to shrug off his jacket and untie his boots. “Like three hours.”

“I don't even want to know for how long I've been awake.” Keito sighs as he hangs his jacket up, taking his time to look at the number of fancy jackets already hanging there. Mostly leather ones that must cost a fortune.

“Long day?” Yamada asks, and when Keito turns back to look at him, his head is tilted in question and he's so freaking adorable Keito can't help himself when he steps forward to wrap arms around Yamada's waist and pulls him close in a tight hug. Smelling his hair and feeling his warmth makes Keito wonder if maybe oxygen is just a substitute while this is what he really lives from.

“You can't imagine.” He mumbles into Yamada's hair before he can filter that thought, and he would feel like the creepiest dude alive if Yamada didn't laugh into his shirt and hug him back.

“I think I have an idea.” He says, but doesn't elaborate on that, just disentangles himself from the embrace and pulls on Keito's wrist. “Come on.”

Keito just follows, looking around the apartment as well as he can. It's very tasteful in browns and white, clearly furnished by someone who's interested in decorating, and it's clean enough to be in a home interior magazine. Except for some clothes and a bag on the floor, and as Keito learns when they enter the bedroom slash living room, a very unmade bed which Yamada sits down on and without remorse pulls Keito down next to him.

There's some paused American series on the tv, something that looks pretty girly, but Keito knows that those series are great at pulling you in since that movie night at Haruka's place which made him watch Grey's Anatomy. All eleven-soon-twelve seasons.

“I'm not done staying in bed.” Yamada says like that explains everything, glancing at Keito's jeans. “Hope you brought something comfortable.”

“Oh.” Keito says, a little surprised even though he's definitely not opposed to staying in bed with Yamada. Not at all. And perhaps he packed for spending the night just in case. “I did.”

He stands up to reach for his bag, and he wonders if he imagines the reluctance with which Yamada lets go of him. He digs out his own sweatpants without spilling all the contents of his bag on the floor, and then has a split moment of decision anxiety, wondering if he's supposed to just change here like this.

But Yamada's crawled up under the covers and taps at his phone, so Keito decides to just do it. Not like he's never been without pants in front of Yamada before.

Of course, his jeans tangle a little and it takes longer than it should and isn't very graceful, and when he's finally decently dressed in his sweatpants and he looks up, Yamada's watching him with a small, amused smile and Keito immediately flushes red.

“That's creepy.” He mutters, but Yamada just lifts the edge of the covers in invitation and keeps smiling.

Keito immediately settles on the bed again and Yamada more or less drags him down, and it does something to Keito's chest that makes it a little difficult to breathe.

But it's nothing compared to how it feels when Yamada cuddles close against his chest as soon as he's horizontal and emits a content noise like that's all he wanted to do for days.

He's warm and perfect cuddle size and Keito can feel him breathe through his shirt. He wraps an arm around him, thinking that closeness is the best thing ever.

“Hi.” Yamada says after a moment of silence, sounding a little tired, like he just remembered he could speak.

“Hi.” Keito replies, the smile claiming his lips without his input. “Tired?”

“God yes.” Yamada sighs and Keito feels it like a warm cloud against his collarbones. “Concerts are amazing, but they're tiring. And I have work again tomorrow because the single release is this week.”

“Right, I knew that.” Keito nods slowly, both because Yamada's mentioned it, but also because Nana's been gushing over it so much Keito hasn't even managed to follow what she says.

“So today, I do exactly what I want, which is nothing, together with you.” Yamada says determinedly, and it's so sweet and blatant and Keito almost feels teary about the fact that Yamada wants to spend his day off with him and it makes him feel so ridiculous he rolls his eyes at himself.

“Sounds perfect.” He says into Yamada's hair and hugs him a little tighter, hoping his feelings comes through at least a little.

“Mm I think so.” Yamada agrees in a pleased tone, then slowly pulls back enough for looking distance. “How did you like the show by the way?”

The question is innocent but Keito still gets the feeling Yamada's been dying to ask, and Keito grins in embarrassment, not quite sure how to convey his mess of feelings without using words Nana would use.

“It was awesome, I loved it. Would totally go again.” He starts, wondering how to proceed, then decides to do it chronologically. “I brought a classmate of mine and her little sister, the fan, and... It was a new experience to go with a hardcore fan like that.”

Yamada looks a little cautious as he clearly waits for more, but Keito's still trying to figure out the best descriptive words. “... A good or bad new experience?”

“Good, definitely. But... Odd.” Keito assures him, then gives up on trying to put things delicately because he's obviously not very good at it. “It was fun doing the things you 'are supposed to do', like, queuing for goods, but it felt really weird to hear a teenage girl know more about you than I do.”

“You bought goods?” Yamada asks incredulously, eyebrows raised in surprise, and Keito laughs.

“You really don't think I'll be into this thing do you?” He says gently, but he's mostly serious. “I don't mind the whole fangirl thing. I have this girl's Line and she sends me inappropriate pictures and comments I don't want to hear and sometimes I don't understand, but... It's pretty cool. I mean, at the concert, I kind of got it.”

“... Yeah?” Yamada asks, seeming like he still doesn't get it.

“I had these girls behind me who clearly liked you because I thought they'd blow my eardrums, but I mean, you... I felt things at the exact same time as they did? It was cool.” Keito tries to sum it up, even though Yamada still doesn't appear to get what he's saying. Or at least doesn't accept it, so Keito sighs in defeat, thinking that he's already blushed enough for a lifetime in front of Yamada. “You were so pretty I thought I was going to pass out, which is totally embarrassing because I'm an adult and all that, but then you sang acapella and I had goosebumps all the way to my hair. I also... This girl likes Arioka-kun right? And he waved at her and she literally cried. So I kind of understood what you guys mean to them, and I think that's really beautiful.”

Keito finally stops talking, wondering if that mess made any damn sense at all, not really daring to look Yamada in the eyes. He definitely doesn't expect to feel hands on his face and then lips against his, but he's not complaining, reaching up to hold Yamada close without actively thinking about it as he kisses back with all the feelings he's been carrying around the last few days and doesn't even care how desperate it probably seems.

When the kiss breaks, Yamada's smiling at him and if he could breathe properly, he'd draw a breath of relief that he managed to at least say _something_ right.

“I heard you liked the white knit shirt?” Yamada says after a moment, tone teasing and he seems to have gotten over the tension, and Keito rolls his eyes with an awkward laugh.

“Don't forget the black pants with chains. Super hot.”

“Really?” Yamada still smiles. “My groupmates altered between calling my outfit slutty or disturbing so it's nice hearing someone else's opinion. That's not just, you know, kyaa.”

“Slutty or disturbing?” Keito asks with a laugh, but then thinks about it for a moment. “Or yeah, I guess I can see their point.”

Yamada shoves at him but not like he means it. “They don't need support, there's seven of them!”

“I already said I liked it, didn't I?” Keito says defensively, and ponders for a moment if their relationship is mature enough to admit how much he's thought about Yamada in that white knit since the concert. He decides to stay safe and keep it to himself for a while longer.

“Yeah.” Yamada agrees, nuzzling closer and resting his cheek on Keito's shoulder, which makes him squirm a little because he's been wearing this shirt all day.

“Do you have to do that? I'm pretty gross.” He mutters, trying to nudge Yamada's head away without actually making him go away.

“I have a shower.” Yamada points out with a small smile. “I could probably use one myself.”

It takes Keito a moment to get unwanted images of doujinshi out of his head at the kind of hint, and he tries to fight a blush and talk at the same time. “So... uhm, do you want to go first or... ”

“If you want me to.” Yamada says, but he's clearly trying to hide a smile at Keito's awkwardness. “Or we could go together. And if we end up having hot shower sex I wouldn't mind.”

Keito swallows once as he suddenly feels really hot and it's almost a little ironic considering his most recent fantasies.

“I wouldn't either.” He finally gets out without his voice shaking somehow, and Yamada grins and sits up, pulling Keito up too.

“Good. Then come.” He says, sounding deceivingly innocent considering the look in his eyes.

The bathroom is as decorated as the rest of the apartment, with matching towels and scented candles, which Keito automatically focuses on instead of the nerves when he closes the bathroom door behind them. It might be a rather big bathroom, but they're still very close to each other.

“You like decorating, don't you?” Keito asks, not sure what he's supposed to do with himself, if he should just undress or stand and wait.

“Guilty.” Yamada smiles, simply grasping the hem of his T-shirt and pulling it over his head. “I love shopping and fashion so it comes naturally.”

Keito is momentarily distracted by Yamada's hair slightly messed up from his careless undressing, and maybe his torso too. “I guess it does.”

“You're not that into decorating, are you?” Yamada asks, but he's smiling like he knows Keito doesn't hear what he's saying right now, and gives him a pointed glance. “You wanna shower with your clothes on?”

“Uhm, no.” Keito gets out, then tries to ignore the blush on his cheeks as he starts undressing himself. It feels awkward, but at the same time not as awkward as it could have been because Yamada doesn't watch him, and as soon as they step into the shower, the embarrassing part feels over.

“If you laugh at my hair colour when it's wet, you can't fuck me.” Yamada says pointedly before turning on the water, and Keito yelps at the initial cold. So much for the embarrassing part being over. But Yamada only laughs and pulls him under the quickly heating stream to kiss him.

It feels different kissing under water, lips softer and smoother, cooler than the spray, and there's an extra taste of chlorine from the water that inevitably slips in between mouths. Keito's not a huge fan of kissing in the shower, or at least never was. Now, he's very distracted by Yamada pressing close to him, by soft slick skin against his own and hands on his waist that rub gentle teasing fingertips over his muscles.

They kiss until Keito feels like he can't breathe anymore, but Yamada seems to feel the same way since he's the one pulling back and out of the immediate shower stream, panting. His skin is flushed, eyes dark, and honestly, his hair colour isn't that bad, just a bit yellow. But Keito has a feeling he'd like any hair colour when there are strands slicked against Yamada's temples and neck, dripping water.

He sees Yamada's eyes dart down for a second and instantly blushes, having no possibility to hide his awakening erection like this, but Yamada just smiles and turns around to reach for shower stuff.

“Help me wash my hair?” He asks, almost coyly, and Keito takes a deep breath as he's handed a shampoo bottle of a brand he could never afford for everyday use.

His hands are only trembling a little bit as he squirts out the amount he would normally use in his palm, except it feels wrong since this shit costs ten times his own shampoo, but he's way too distracted by Yamada's back before him to care that much.

It's somewhat of a weak point for him, male backs, something about the broad shoulders and defined muscles and wide expanse of untainted skin making him much hotter than he'd ever admit. And seeing water droplets tracing Yamada's muscles from his shoulder blades and down his spine makes Keito want to lean forward and lick them away.

So he quickly gets his hands into Yamada's hair instead, figuring this should be done first, but he has nothing for it since Yamada lets out a soft sound of pleasure as Keito starts rubbing the shampoo in with both hands.

“Good?” Keito asks, even if what he wants to ask is if he can just slam Yamada face first against the wall and fuck him, preferrably right now.

“Mmm.” Yamada agrees, and Keito bites his lip, feeling his cheeks burning as he realizes that Yamada's head follows his guidance, tilting back or forward as he pleases, and he swallows.

“... Are you doing this on purpose?” He manages to get out, guiding Yamada's head back into the spray to rinse the bubbles out of his hair.

“Seducing you?” Yamada replies, and Keito can hear that he's smiling and realizes this was just meant to rile him up. “Yeah. You're cute when you're nervous.”

“Screw you.” Keito mutters, and ends up pulling Yamada back a little further into the spray because he deserves it, and his indignant noise when he gets water in his face is kind of cute.

Revenge comes in the form of Yamada's ass pressing against Keito's very obvious erection, and he gasps, nearly getting a mouthful of water himself.

“If you insist.” Yamada says, and Keito can hear he's grinning and besides, he couldn't be more obvious with what he wanted. Keito's hands come down to grasp Yamada's hips and hold him still, sliding a little because he's still got shampoo on his hands, but he lingers there, not sure what to do and what to use.

“I think you're the one insisting.” Keito gets out, but his voice is thick with want and there's no possibility of Yamada not hearing that. “How do you want me to do this?”

“Like usual works for me.” Yamada says, like he's talking to a hairdresser, and Keito rolls his eyes and opens his mouth to clarify he was asking about the necessities, but Yamada precedes him by leaning forward again. He looks over his shoulder at Keito with a small smile as he hands over a container of another brand shower gel and Keito's not too sure about that.

“Don't worry, it's not what it seems.” Yamada says, clearly noticing Keito's hesitance.

“Why-” Keito starts, then cuts himself off with a small sigh, figuring he probably doesn't want to know when he feels a sting to his heart as he thinks about Yamada having hot shower sex with someone else. “Never mind.”

“Because the bath is the most relaxing place I know.” Yamada says, then pointedly leans forward to brace his arms against the tiled wall. “And I've had magazine photographers in my apartment.”

Keito pauses in the motion of pouring out the supposedly not shower gel from its container, and not only at the sight of Yamada bent over before him.

“Oh.” Is all he gets out, and even though he's almost scandalized that there are even photographers in his home, he's mostly relieved there was a one person explanation to keeping waterproof lube in the shower. And tries not to think about Yamada in the bath, head tilted back and fingers sliding inside himself.

He hurries to cover his own fingers in the transparent substance, then wraps his clean hand around Yamada's waist to help support his weight as his fingers slip down to their goal. Yamada's groan when the first finger slowly sneaks inside makes Keito shiver despite the hot water still hitting his skin.

It only takes another soft sound audible enough to be heard over the spray for Keito's hormones to spark all over, and he leans forward to press his lips against a shoulder blade because he can't hold back.

He scatters kisses all over Yamada's shoulders and neck while twisting and rubbing that first finger inside him, having Yamada softly moaning in his arms and Keito doesn't know if he's ever felt more powerful.

Yamada's skin is warm and slowly flushing pink from the arousal, adding to the heat from the shower, and Keito can't keep from flicking his tongue out and trail water drops a few vertebraes down Yamada's neck. He knows he can't leave marks, so he's careful, but he still closes his lips around skin occasionally, and Yamada keeps moaning so he must be okay with it.

Another finger slips in fairly easily, and Keito's already getting impatient, his cock reminding him of its existence by twitching the slightest with Yamada's every moan.

No voice has ever effected him like Yamada's if Keito's honest, and he's always enjoyed hearing his partners voice their pleasure if they're feeling it. But Yamada's moans are flawless and raw and honest, beautiful in a way that no other's have been, at least to Keito's ears. And that makes his skin buzz, his fingers get rougher and he tightens his arm around Yamada's waist only to feel the head of an erection against his wrist.

Keito just waits the smallest possible amount of time before adding a third finger, trying his hardest to resist the urge to let his fingers go lower and wrap around that erection begging for his attention.

They have time and he doesn't want this to be over ever, and definitely not too soon.

When Keito's fingers go a little deeper by accident, he finds what he was looking for, Yamada's forehead falling against the tiles between his hands as broken little moans fall from his lips and his hips push back against Keito's fingers, trying to get him deeper.

Keito is so freaking ready he's almost prepared to just press Yamada harder against the wall and pull his ass up higher to slam into him just like this, but he never really would.

“Condom?” He asks reluctantly, because he didn't bring one and he doesn't want to leave here for a millisecond.

“Mmm.” Is all Yamada agrees, and Keito withdraws his fingers to minimize the distraction, leaning in close enough to mumble against Yamada's tragus while his own erection presses teasingly between Yamada's cheeks. “Is there a condom? You want me to wear one right?”

“There's...” Yamada pauses on a sigh as his muscles contract under Keito's cock and Keito has to bite his own lip to keep calm. “There's one there.”

It's not that instructive, but Yamada seems utterly distracted by what Keito's doing to him and Keito figures “there” should refer to the little shelf for shampoos and such.

He reaches over because he doesn't think he could physically detach himself from Yamada, fumbling about a little and he's almost prepared to give up when his fingers fall upon a ragged plastic edge of a wrapper, and he sighs in relief.

He tears the packet open, which proves more difficult with water streaming over his hands, but it still can be done.

He takes a deep breath before rubbing lube over himself, hoping he can last enough to make it worth it, but if Yamada doesn't stop sounding and looking so good he can't be blamed if he doesn't.

Both of their breaths catch as Keito starts pushing inside, and he's almost afraid he's going to die because if he swallowed water right now and drowned, he wouldn't even care.

“Keito...” Yamada moans as he bottoms out, and he can feel Yamada's thighs shaking as he pauses for adjustment, groaning at hearing his name in that beautiful desperate voice.

“Okay.” Keito agrees, all breath, because whatever Yamada wants he hopes it's more, now.

His first tentative thrusts pull such soft sounds from Yamada that Keito wishes mean he's ready for more, and he picks up a relentless pace because he needs it, one hand grasping onto Yamada's hip to pull his ass back against Keito and get a better angle.

Yamada's moan at the manhandling is guttural and his head falls forward against the tiles again, pressing his ass back against Keito and it looks so dirty, his back arching and arms quivering from holding himself up.

Keito leans forward as much as he can, pressing his lips against smooth skin, flicks his tongue out against the scattered beauty marks and moans so loud he feels ashamed.

His thrusts are restless and he can't really control them anymore, the heat spreading all over his skin and he's so warm he barely feels the shower stream, and he knows he's not gonna make it much longer. Still, he doesn't feel like he can spare a hand for Yamada, one holding himself up and the other Yamada, and he figured Yamada would be the one to touch himself. But he doesn't seem to want to do that despite the wet head twitching against Keito's arm more often than not, only keeps moaning at every thrust, muscles of his back tensing and relaxing and his cheeks have a gorgeous blush.

“I'm close.” Keito finally groans in frustration, almost irritated with himself for not lasting longer, but Yamada just nods breathlessly and removes one hand from the wall.

Keito bites his lip but the moan is still as loud when Yamada's muscles constrict around him, almost sucking him in, and if he couldn't feel it he sees from the movement of Yamada's arm that he's touching himself.

Yamada's little groans and moans rise in pitch and frequency, almost stumbling over each other in their eager to get out, and Keito tries his hardest to focus on not coming, not coming, _not coming_.

Yamada comes with a clear moan, head tipping to the side, forehead resting against his own arm as his body tenses and his come paints the tiled wall, but Keito can barely focus on it as his gaze goes blurry and he finally lets go.

He holds Yamada tight until the shivers over his skin stops, and then a little longer just because it feels so fucking good.

Yamada heaves a sigh that seems to be bigger than he is, then tilts his head back against Keito's shoulder that's conveniently outside the shower spray.

“Mm that was good.” He mumbles, and Keito turns his head enough to look at him, at his flushed pink cheeks and satisfied smile and he knows Yamada can feel the little twitch of interest from his cock.

If his cheeks weren't already so warm he'd blush, but for now, he just leans in to press a lingering kiss against Yamada's cheek as he carefully pulls out.

“Amazing.” He agrees, and Yamada's smile widens like he didn't expect positive feedback, and it makes Keito go on. “You're so good. And you have like twice my stamina, sorry.”

He adds the last part a little sheepishly as he lets go of Yamada in favour of discarding the condom, his post-orgasm brain speaking things he's only thought about quietly before.

“Don't be sorry.” Yamada reprimands, slowly stretching as he tips his head back into the shower spray to moisten his hair again, and Keito has to force himself to focus on his words and not his body. “Makes me feel attractive.”

Keito scoffs at that, but Yamada just sends him a long look that he can't read for it, and Keito wonders how Yamada seriously can't know how fucking insanely attractive he is.

“If you get anymore attractive I'll have to take you again in about three minutes.” Keito tells him seriously, but Yamada just laughs and pulls him in for a kiss.

Keito's still flushed when he gets out of the shower and offered a towel, feeling a little bit like a thirsty teenager since not even amazing shower sex could still his urges for more amazing shower sex. Yamada didn't exactly tease him any more but he is hot as hell and Keito couldn't help ogling him more than he probably should. An unbidden thought of how inaccurate the doujinshi drawings were didn't help his blush go away either.

Keito dries his hair sufficiently before hurrying to wrap the towel around his waist, curiously watching as Yamada opens the mirrored cupboard above the sink, displaying a range of creams and bottles.

“This is gonna take a while.” Yamada says apologetically as he picks out an expensive looking white bottle, and Keito blinks, feeling a little caught in headlights since he doesn't do much else after a shower than put on deodorant.

“Okay?” He tries, watching Yamada pour a small amount of clear fluid into his palm.

“I have an assigned beauty routine.” Yamada smiles, looking a little embarrassed. “You can look around or something if you want? It's boring to watch.”

Keito is so close to saying that he'd never tire of just watching Yamada simply converting oxygen to carbon dioxide, but he figures that might be too cheesy, so he decides to take the hint.

“Sure.” He agrees, awkwardly scooping his clothes up from the floor and opens the bathroom door, letting out a cloud of steam.

It does feel a little relieving to return to the living room and get dressed without any pressure. Keito's absolutely convinced he'd have gotten caught in his underwear and tripped if Yamada had watched him. He settles with just sweatpants for now, leaving the towel around his neck to catch any dripping water from his hair, but he's still too warm for a shirt even though he picks it out of his bag. Not like he's got abs to show off anyway.

He sits down on the edge of the bed as he waits, looking around a little more pointedly since he got permission to do so.

The american show on the TV appears to be Gossip Girl, judging from the DVD box on the floor, and Keito smiles as he slips down to look at the row of titles on the shelf under the TV. The movies are majorly romantic comedies or sappy films, and it makes Keito smile because it's really pure but also kind of gay. A couple titles stick out, those that are pure action or thrillers, but none look as well used as the Gossip Girl box.

There are CDs on a smaller row above the DVDs, and Keito quickly gets stuck in the colourful collection of Hey! Say! Jump ones. They take up a third of the row, and Keito wonders if it's all of them. Then at the very far end, he finds one that says Yamada Ryosuke only, and curiously pulls it out because he figures it must be that solo album he read something about.

The title of the CD is “Mystery Virgin” and Keito bites his lip against a laugh because _what_ , but he knows Japanese writers have a tendency to abuse the English language. He eyes the cover for a moment, where Yamada's illegally pretty in soft brown hair and a white hoodie, before he turns it over to see the tracklist. It's a single, and the protective plastic is still on it, indicating that it's never been opened. Keito was pretty tempted to see the lyrics of that song, but he figures he'll have to google them.

He carefully puts it back and his eyes fall on something else by the bottom of the TV, because what he thinks it is shouldn't be in a home like this.

He frowns as he reaches out for the silver item, even more confused at the weight of it as he takes it, only to see that it actually _is_ a switchblade. A real one.

He carefully opens it, pulling the divided handle together to expose the shining blade and he feels a little nervous suddenly, half expecting to see blood on it and a body bag stuffed away somewhere behind a decorative pillow. But it's clean like it's brand new, and Keito is at a loss for what Yamada does with a knife like this.

He starts closing it to put it back but jumps so much he almost cuts himself when Yamada speaks up from the doorway.

“Find something you like?” His voice is amused, but his expression when Keito reflexively turns to look at him is worried. “Shit, are you okay?”

“I'm fine.” Keito hurries to assure, then looks back to properly enclose the sharp edge in the handle again. “This thing is dangerous you know, you shouldn't leave it at snooping date height.”

His joke is a little shaky, but Yamada laughs softly so he figures he's not mad at least.

“At least I keep my gun locked up.” He says, and it takes Keito turning to stare at him with gaping mouth and Yamada bursting out laughing for Keito to realize he's kidding.

“You could have had a gun.” He says quietly, feeling the blush rising on his cheeks and Yamada eyes him softly, like he's adorable.

“I'd get obsessed with shooting if I did.” He admits, and Keito watches him come over to the bed and sit down, wearing a fluffy dressing gown and a small pink hairclip, face a little shiny but otherwise as flawless as usual. He smells really nice.

“Why do you have a knife anyway?” Keito finally asks. “I didn't really expect weapons next to the scented candles.”

“It's for a role. I played an assassin with a knife and I had to practise handling it.” Yamada says simply, and Keito is once again struck by how different their lives are.

“With the real thing?” He asks faintly, turning around so that he can look up at Yamada, the closed knife still in his hand.

“I started with fakes.” Yamada smiles, then holds his hand out for the item, and Keito hands it to him, purposely brushing Yamada's palm with his fingertips.

It takes about two seconds between Yamada straightening up to sitting again with the closed knife in hand, to having it open and shiny in the same hand, a swift artistic swinging filling out the time.

Keito blinks, unable to comprehend what he just saw, and he can't help wetting his lips with a newfound respect for the man in front of him.

“... That. Was so hot.” He says, not intending to speak it out loud but he doesn't regret the words.

Yamada laughs, the embarrassment tinting his voice as he flicks the knife shut again. “You should see the movie then.”

“First thing when I get home, what's it called?” Keito asks, and Yamada smiles as he leans forward to put the knife on the bedside table.

“It's not out yet, it premiers in like. Three weeks? It's called Grasshopper.” Yamada says, and Keito nods, noting the title and thinking that he needs a ticket for that as soon as he can. “It has Ikuta Toma so if you like pretty guys you should like it.”

“I like you. You're a pretty guy.” Keito says, raising his eyebrows pointedly, but Yamada doesn't look at him even if he smiles.

“Are you hungry?” He asks instead, turning back to Keito with his head tilted cutely. “Because I'm kinda starving now.”

“A bit, yeah.” Keito agrees, trying to catch up with the change of subject, thinking that he didn't eat since lunch and sex always makes him hungry anyway.

“I'd cook but I don't have much at home.” Yamada says apologetically, and Keito opens his mouth to say how much he doesn't blame him, but Yamada's already continued. “Wanna order something and eat in bed?”

Keito smiles, wondering what he did in a previous life to deserve this. “Sounds perfect.”

 

 

~*~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *insert I LIIIIVE gif of Mushu from Mulan*  
> Sorry this took forever guys, I just didn't have any motivation to keep writing this but then boom, suddenly, I decided to just do it and finished this chapter. I will truly try and get some more written in a decent future, but feel free to nag the hell out of me if I'm too slow, I need it


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